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Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Day 4, Week 7: Halloween candy. It's freaking everywhere.

This morning I went for a bike ride in the dark.

Just kidding!  I did weights again.  Cathe's Boot Camp was on the strength-training menu this morning, with its HiiT and lower body then compound exercise then upper body rounds o' goodness. And in the middle of the workout I had a photographer come by and do some snaps.

Hubbs was like, "That looks hard.  Let me take a pic." So helpful.

As you can see, I am using my beloved barbell.  In the workout, Cathe uses a 20 lb barbell in every round (and there are 6), so of course it's one of my fave workouts ever and I have to stop myself from doing it all the time so I don't get sick of it.  Note to workout DVD makers: if it includes a barbell, it gets two thumbs up from me every time.  I'm all easy to please workout-wise like that.

Enough about awesome barbell workouts, though--it's time to talk about Halloween candy.  It's freaking everywhere, people.  Including in my office and every single space around it.

The reason I mention the candy is that a) I used to be 220 pounds and b) candy was a large part of those 220 pounds.  The smaller part consisted of entire bags of Doritos.  I am a sugar addict, and no bag of chocolate was safe anywhere near me.  And, of course, this time of year it's like people put little fun-sized bags of dietary crack cocaine around me everywhere.  If candy is in front of me, I will eat. it. all.  It's enough to drive a person crazy.

Even I am afraid of this picture.
So, if you're like me and think all those delicious candies aren't going to eat themselves so you must do it because someone has to stop children from eating all that candy anyway, let me share with you some tips to avoid overdoing it this Halloween season:

1. Don't let the candy anywhere near you.  Shoo people away from you who offer you these tempting morsels.
2. If shooing doesn't work, just scream "MY GOD MAN (or WOMAN) WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME DON'T YOU KNOW I USED TO BE FAT??" 
3. Do not buy Halloween candy to give to others, thinking you won't eat any.  Because it will just end up sitting in your desk drawer and will become lunch every day.  Even if it's candy you don't even like because you will still eat it because CANDY.
4. If you do end up in long-term possession (more than 5 minutes) of Halloween candy, pawn it off on the nearest child or man-child you find.  Or bring it home for your spouse to eat because, you know, don't worry about their health or anything.  Unless they are one of those people that can eat anything and not gain weight; if that's the case, take it home and throw it at them.  And then tell them you love them.
5. Tell people you're allergic to candy and instead would like Starbucks gift cards.  Lots of them.
6. Don't fall for the "Oh, you can just have one piece-it won't hurt you!" line.  If you're like me, one piece leads to me scarfing around 100 pieces into my mouth as fast as I can because my little sugar monkey addiction crawls on my back and makes a nest. 


So there you are--some helpful Halloween candy avoidance tips.  If you follow them, I hope you have family or coworkers left that will still talk to you by the end of the week.

So, kids, what have we learned?

  1. Hubbs needs to stop the pics and work out with me.  Seriously.
  2. I rock that Tough Mudder headband.  Whatever you may think.
  3. Like cowbell, I can't get enough barbell.
  4. Please don't scream at people or throw candy at co-workers.  Often.
  5. Did you notice how I used numbers and not bullet points?  You're welcome.


Tomorrow's workout:  Some easy running with the large dog to shake more naughty out of him, and a story about the time I finally ran a sub-two half marathon.

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