Day 3, Week 7: Dumb running things I have done so you don't have to.

Everyone, let me introduce you to today's workout: 2 x 1600m, 2 x 800m.  Workout, this is everyone.

In case you're not familiar with the whole 2 x 1600m notation jazz, that means I had to essentially do two mile repeats at warp factor 10 (pictured).   Then I had to do two half mile repeats even freaking fast than that (around a 7:47 pace).  Do not be at all impressed with those times when you realize that most runners who can really run (unlike myself) run at those paces as a WARM-UP.  I know; I've seen them next to me at the Y when I am secretly trying to race the person next to me on the treadmill and realize these people will always, always win.

It was an OK run.  My legs were still pretty tight from the 15 miler from hell on Sunday, but they warmed up some after the first mile.  I just wish I weren't stalked on the treadmill the entire time.

Hyooman....done yet?

They're not cheering me on.  One of them is waiting for the warm treadmill belt and the other is waiting for the warm sweat on my legs.  These are my treadmill running crosses to bear, I guess.

Another cross I bear is my own running stupidity.  I make dumb running mistakes all the time (re: back-to-back weekends full of marathons), as you already know if you are one of the few that even read this blog.  I thought it might be a good idea to list out some of my dumber (more dumb? who knows) running mistakes I've made over the 7 years of my running career so you don't have to make them...that is, if you haven't made them already.  Get ready for some bullet points!

My list of dumb running things: (to be expanded as needed)

• Thinking "I don't need to go to the bathroom before this 5K; I can hold it for 3.1 miles."  Let's just say my grey running capris were a darker shade of grey by the end.
• Going out for my first 20 mile run ever in sub-freezing temperatures with bottles of water...that froze by mile 5, forcing me to eat gritty snow on the side of the road for the rest of the run.  (Everyone always says your first 20 miler will make you feel so powerful and strong...all I wanted to do afterwards was punch all the people.)
• Going out for a long run with a water bottle in slightly above-freezing temperatures after a fresh snowfall and dropping the water bottle on a corner for me to grab on my way back...only to find that the snow plows had come through whilst I was away and had plowed it into oblivion.  This caused more gritty snow-eating.
• Taking a pit-stop in a cornfield and popping out right in front of the farmer
• Promising myself I won't go out too fast on every marathon (LIES)
• Signing up for a mud run and getting injured right in the middle of marathon training
• Thinking "Bah!  I don't need to take a gel until the half marathon mark of this marathon!"
• The one time I ran a marathon (Austin) without eating breakfast and was fantasizing about teleporters at the end
• Driving halfway to a half marathon and realizing my bib is back at home, ready to race on the counter.
• Almost losing my fingers on my right hand by running in a polar vortex and taking off my sweaty glove in 20 mph freaking freezing winds to call the husband to come get me
• Not checking the weather before a long run on a trail and ending up running through hail and tornado sirens (got that 16 miler in though!)
• Learning the hard way that a huge iced mocha before a half-marathon will leave you wishing you had put a change of clothes in the car.  Especially since you wore light capris and a white shirt that you had to pretty much throw away.
• Also learning the hard way that jalapeno anything is NEVER a good pre-run idea.
• And fiber.  Learned this during Chicago one year, when I found out they do a nice job having lots of port-a-johns early on in the race. So no fiber at all the day before a marathon...and no fiber, jalapenos, and iced mochas.  Got that?

What can we learn from this dumb post?

• Mile repeats still suck.  But they're good for ya.
• I pretty much let the animals do what they want because I don't want to be killed in my sleep one day.
• A lot of my selfies give you a nice view of my armpit.  I apologize.
• I've done a lot of dumb running things so you don't have to.
• Well, unless you want to do them.  But I can tell you they're not as fun as they seem.

Tomorrow's workout: Bike ride?  Maybe?  Don't be disappointed if I do weights.

Day 3, Week 4: Some dumb running mantras and how the TC Marathon makes me less smelly.

Welcome to Treadmill Tuesday, where speed work abounds.  I've told you before that I love speed work.  Like weights, it makes me feel completely badass when I finish a speed workout, whether I'm on the treadmill or outside.

But I'm not always overly excited to get up and *do* the workout.

Even the dog is all GAWD SPEED WORK

This morning a 2 x 1200/4 x 800 workout popped up on the training schedule.  I was going to lie to myself and say that I would do it after work until I realized I had a late meeting to attend and there would be no workout after work.  So I found some motivation to do the run in my closet.

Brooks Launch 4 with knit upper.  Kitty approved.

I just got my sweet new pair of Brooks Launch 4s with the knit upper in the mail yesterday, so these kicks got me to kick my butt over to the treadmill and do the workout.  Now, my legs were still pretty tired from the 18 miler on Sunday, but I pushed through the first mile and felt pretty decent, managing to do the workout without too much mental whining.  To get myself through speed work and not devolve into any mental whining, I have a few internal mantras I use:

• You will not die
• This is where the workout begins (usually this one comes out near the last repeat or interval)
• The brain gives up long before the body does
• Push push push (this works for having a baby as well)
• For crying out loud you run entire marathons and you have done two ultras GET THIS 400 DONE YOU WIMP

While I know counselors and other like professionals would urge everyone to have a kinder, gentler inner dialogue instead of that last mantra, I find that the last one is, unfortunately, the most effective for me.  I respond well to my own abuse, I guess.

Speaking of abuse, let me lay another reason down for you to love the Twin Cities marathon, which is now just 4 crazy days away!  And today's reason is the main reason I run any race:

Blingity bling bling bling!

The bling, baby.  2015 bling pictured above.

When you do the Ultra Loony, you get all the t-shirts from the 3 races you do (5K, 10K, Marathon), all the finisher medals, a bonus challenge medal, plus all the finisher t-shirts.  I get more blingity-bling for my medal rack and I get to get rid of three smelly running t-shirts and replace them with fresh ones every year.  Thanks, TC Marathon, for helping me be a less smelly runner.

Why a standing medal rack?  Why not?

And here's your summary of the learnings:

• Saying that I will do my workout later is always a lie.
• Have I mentioned I love my Launch 4s?  Because if I haven't I really, really love them.
• I really do respond best to my own abuse.
• Sometimes my running mantra is PLEASE PLEASE LET THIS BE OVER SOON
• You mean people run races for something other than bling?  Crazy talk.

Tomorrow's workout: A bike ride!  I hope!

A Trying Treadmill Tuesday

Have you ever gotten out of bed at 4 AM, sighed heavily at the fact that the cold winter winds were literally rattling the windows of your 1930's farmhouse, and then bemoaned the fact that your house has no insulation so your house is almost as cold as the outside, thereby totally demotivating you to strip down into shorts and a t-shirt and scamper downstairs to do your treadmill speed workout?

You have?  Well, that was me this morning.  I'm glad I'm not the only one.

The speed workout sat there all innocent-like on my training schedule, saying I needed to run a 1200m at my 10K pace and then a 400m at my 5K pace, and then repeat that 2 more times.  My brain, however, was not acting so innocently; it was screaming "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" and covering its ears  to block it all out and make it go away.  The big baby.

I managed to work through the internal brain screaming and, after a quick breakfast, managed to get into my running shorts and a t-shirt in my house that was probably 50 degrees or so by that point.  This is when my dogs feel the need to bug me to go out, because they enjoy torturing me by making me stand by the front storm door wearing next to nothing.  The gleams in their little doggie eyeballs give it away that they are enjoying the fact that I'm freezing my ass off while they are forced to use the bathroom outside in the cold.  I try to explain to them that this is one of life's little injustices, but they just stare back at me, biding their time so they can poop in my shoe or tear up a valuable document I leave lying around.

I then made my way to the treadmill, whereby I realized that I forgot to put on my Garmin.  So, I trucked back upstairs to get it.  When I picked it up, I realized I left it on all night, and the battery was almost gone. (Does anyone else accidentally leave it on when you transfer your data?  I do.  I'm a moron.)  So, I quickly slapped it on the funky charging clip and then went back downstairs to get all my other treadmill equipment ready:

• A small bottle of gatorade
• A bottle of water
• A bondi band from one of my Ragnars
• A small hand towel for sweat and other bodily fluids that come from a face
• My foot pod for ye olde Garmin 
• The TV (getting it on and on a proper show that is good treadmill TV)

I went and got my Garmin (which had pretty speedily charged itself halfway by that time) and started up the treadmill, which is near a window that might as well have been open because so much wind was getting through it.  And I really really REALLY didn't want to do this workout.  It's not that I didn't want to run.

I just didn't want to do this workout.

If you regularly read what spills froth from my brain, you'll know I have this thing about running more than an 800m on the treadmill.  That thing is this:  I don't think I can do it.  Either I run too fast and have to take a break, or I just don't push myself enough to finish it once the pain starts setting in.

Bottom line, I have failed at these before, and I was afraid of failing again.

But then I told myself that I wouldn't accept that kind of stinkin' thinkin' out of my students, so I couldn't accept it out of myself.  I decided to do a mile warm-up and see how I felt.

Amazing how one mile can motivate you.

I ended up doing all of the repeats, and I made it all the way through the 1200s without stopping to rest.  However, there was a lot of mental abuse afoot whilst I was on that treadmill.  By the end of each one (and especially the last one), I was literally repeating over and over again in my head that suffering is optional suffering IS OPTIONAL YOU MORON JUST KEEP GOING YOU'RE ALMOST THERE.

Yeah.  Well, at least I didn't promise myself a new house this time.  I think I'll just save that one for long runs.  But I have to remember all of this pain and suffering is so I can fill the gaping chasm that exists in my PR list:

I wonder what it will be.  Until then, guess I'll have to keep talking myself into and beating myself up during workouts to find out.

Outside, I Miss Running In You.

Got up today fully expecting to do my ladder workout on the treadmill, especially since the winds were so strong they were rattling all of the old windows in my house.  It is treadmill Tuesday, after all, people!  Let's get that treadmill a-rollin'!  All aboard the Treadmill Tuesday Train!

I did get on the train, but had to get off at a very early stop, unfortunately.  After about 0.75 miles I realized I was not going to have time to run a 400, 800, 1200, 1600, and then work my way back down that ladder and be able to get to work on time.  Damn myself for getting up too late.

I'm a bit of a perfectionist about my speed work days; I just like to do an entire speed work workout rather than cut it short. And this is a workout I've never actually done before.  It was a challenge to be conquered, and I wanted to conquer the entire thing at once.  So I decided to come home after work and run it on the treadmill when I would have the luxury of time.

And then I checked the weather forecast for this afternoon just as I was about to leave my place of employment.  I about jumped out of my pants (don't worry; no one was around to see it) when I saw that the temperature would be hovering deliciously near the 30s and there would be basically no wind.

"I CAN RUN OUTSIDE!!" I exclaimed in my classroom to absolutely no one, much like a teacher who desperately needs a break.  Or years of therapy.

And run outside I did.  This is what the sun was doing when I pulled into my driveway:

I knew I'd have to strap on the headlamp and get all gussied up in my reflective gear since the sun was sinking fast, but I didn't care.  I knew I would only have to wear two-ONLY TWO-layers of clothing.  I was all aglow with running excitement.

Still glowing, I trucked outside and ran that ladder.  It only took an hour, and I managed to piss off every damn dog along the way, leaving a wave barking in my wake that sounded much like off-kilter barking metronomes as I ran away from them as quickly as I could.  I don't think they were barking at me; I think they were barking at the headlamp.  ("Hey--what is that glowing thing bobbing up and down out there?  And where is that heavy breathing coming from?  We should bark like crazy at it.")

But enduring the barking and having my pepper spray at the ready several times was worth it.  The weather was perfect.  I was running at speeds that I would break down in a mental pile of goo about if I were doing them on the treadmill.  In the dark you can only see the moving circle of your headlamp (and the errant zombie lying in the cornfield.  I'm sure one of those shadows in the cornfield is a zombie), and you don't see the hills or the scenery or anything else--you can just focus on the run.

I conquered the workout.  I just hope the weather holds for Thursday so I can conquer that 8.5 mile tempo run on the training schedule this week (unlike last week).

The treadmill heals all.

So I have this meeting in the morning.

I don't want to go.  In fact, I'd rather give myself a lobotomy so I can sit there drooling through it; that way I would have an excuse not to say anything.  Then they could whisper about me behind my back such things like, "Oooh, there goes lobotomy girl" and "Who does she think she is--someone who's had a lobotomy?" and I wouldn't even care.

Needless to say, I came home rather worked up about this meeting.  Like all homicidal-like worked up, contemplating quitting my job and curling up into a ball on my office floor for about the next 10 years or so.  But then I remembered I hadn't finished my workout from this morning (8 x 800m), so the treadmill beckoned.

I didn't get up in enough time this AM to finish the workout, so I decided to split it in two, doing 4 of those 800s in the morning and 4 when I got home from work.  After some messing around with my Garmin watch, I finally got started, trucking away through some episodes of Dr. G: Medical Examiner. (Oh what was it that killed them, Dr. G?  I can hardly stand the suspense!  For the record, Animaniacs is MUCH better treadmill TV.)  Run fast run fast run fast my lungs will explode run fast almost done run fast then ahhhhh walking the recovery mmmmmmmm.

Here's what my dogs were doing while I was sweating to Dr. G:

"Do you mind?  All of your treadmill noisiness is interrupting my beauty sleep."

After about 40 minutes of treadmillin' it, my brain had been righted again.  Or at least was only set slightly askew instead of dangerously dangling on the edge of a homicidal precipice.  Thanks, endorphins!

The treadmill, I found, heals all.

Instead of shooting nasty glares and snidely raising my eyebrow through my entire meeting tomorrow, I decided in the soft afterglow of my treadmill session that I shall joke my way through it, lest my blood pressure reach dangerous levels again.

However, they may think I've had a lobotomy anyway, considering the quality of my science teacher jokes.

Treadmill Tuesday Strikes Back

Today was another wonderful Treadmill Tuesday, consisting of running one 1200 m interval at my 10K pace and then, after a minute recovery, running a 400 m at my 5K pace.  I then repeated this two more times with a 3 minute recovery between each set, all while desperately trying to focus my mind on the TV show I was watching during the intervals rather then mentally screaming for the little lap thingamajig on my treadmill to MOVE FASTER AROUND THE LAP, DAMMIT, I'M DYING HERE.

As you can tell, I don't do well with 1200s on the treadmill, nope nope nope.  They are a necessary evil, however: I have come to terms with them, but I don't have to be happy whilst I run them.  (I should rename this blog "Grumpy Runner.")

What did make me a tad bit happier was running in my new Mizuno Wave Rider 16s in all of their purple glory:

These are some pretty awesome shoes.  They seem a bit narrower in the foot, but they still gave me that same "rocker" type feel that I experience in the 15s, as if you're gliding along the ground.  The only thing I don't like is that my left heel was slipping out of them a little even after adjusting the laces in just about every imaginable configuration during the warm-up, which is not good for my damaged left Achilles.  Going to have to see if that can be rectified in the future.

Because speed work is typically hard on my calves and shins (I just can't handle it if my shin splints come back.  I am afraid of a stress fracture as much as some kids are afraid of monsters under their beds), I like to wear compression socks to work on those days.  However, I couldn't find any color-coordinating compression socks to sneakily wear under my brown dress pants this morning.  I guess I could have worn the neon yellow ones, but my sanity is already being questioned too much at work.  Hence, I decided to wear this under my dress pants:

Yeah.  I'm sexy and I know it.