This morning surprised me by being cold. I had to wear a base layer and a thin jacket on the bike. Thankfully my gargantuan legs needed no excess covering other than my bike shorts for modesty, because their mass generates enough heat on the run or bike to power a small town. Or independent nation. Anyway, the morning was clear, the dogs were few, the snot rockets clean and true, and a nice short ride was had in preparation for Ragnaring it up in Utah this weekend.
Speaking of Ragnar, I've mentioned before that it is one of those things that, 8 years ago when I started all this "getting healthy" crap, I never even dreamed I would do. Running a marathon is right up there with Ragnars, too--I never used to see the point in running, least of all running 26.2 miles of my own volition (and paying for the privilege!).
That is, I never saw the point until I realized that the point of running isn't running itself. The point is to test your mettle and see how far you can push yourself, to see if you've got the grit to really dig down and see what you're made of...to see what you can really accomplish if you get rid of all the mental junk standing in your way. Because, as all of us runners know, the battle is mainly mental, not physical, in accomplishing your running goals. You have to listen to that inner voice that is driving you onward, forward, and spewing forth abuse the likes of which would make a Hell's Angel blush. Well, if you're listening to MY inner voice, that's what you're hearing. And then you're sucking it up and running some more because you need to get to where the food and the bathroom is, trying not to cross the line into injury and having to limp home the last 5 miles.
As you can tell, I have built up some rudimentary (if not entirely healthy) mental fortitude when it comes to my running goals. Every race for which I have signed up I have done so with the knowledge and confidence that I could do it. I knew it may take some training, putting in some time in before the race, but I always saw myself crossing the finish line with some sort of victory in hand after spending a lot of time in preparation.
So why can't I do the same thing when it comes to the professional presentations and workshops that I put on for fellow educators?
I did a two-day workshop this week on the flipped classroom.
And I freaked out for the 3 or 4 days before it was scheduled. My inner voice was a whiny puny mess, not wanting to put anything together, dragging my mental feet along the ground and mumbling like a petulant child. But my bad mental behavior was not because I didn't want to do it.(I had signed a contract to do this, after all; I HAD to.)
It's because I was afraid I would suck.
I had the same feeling before my Google Sites workshop, the training I did for my Science department on our new national standards, and before the last major presentations I did at conferences. I feel the same way now about a presentation I have to give in July (the same weekend as a Ragnar! Argh!), and I've given this presentation before at other conferences.
Somehow I need to transfer the determination and confidence I have while running to my professional life. Maybe I'm feeling this way because of all the change going on right now in my life: I'm changing jobs, leaving a job I've had for the past 12 years where I know how everything is run and how everyone is and jumping way outside of my comfort zone into new and uncharted administrative territory.
Looks like I've got some mental junk to clear out of my professional path. Just like when I'm running, I guess I'm going to have to suck it up and keep moving. I hope there's food and bathrooms where I'm going.
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