Day 5, Week 5: Unhelpful Treadmill Running Tips

This morning was Cathe's Boot Camp workout, where I completely phoned in all the cardio parts because, you know, marathon last weekend.  And also this weekend.

Corral L.  For "Last."

Every once in a while I throw my name into the Chicago Marathon lottery, never expecting to actually get in.  And then I do.  And then I realize I've already signed up for Twin Cities, which is always the weekend before.

So that's when I end up running two marathons on back-to-back weekends.  I keep telling you people that I'm an idiot.  I'm not lying.

Anyway, I don't plan on racing this one either.  I plan on meandering around downtown Chicago enjoying the 26.2 mile party that is this race until I see the finish line and then grabbing a medal.  Which is I hope is more awesome than in past years, seeing as this is the 40th anniversary of the race an all.  For major marathon anniversaries I demand extra-special-good swag.  I'll let you all know how the race is and how good the swag is for sure.

Until then, what I really want to do is talk about is my treadmill.

It's SUPER DUPER!

I run on the treadmill at a minimum of once a week.  For speed work, it's a required piece of equipment for me.  When the weather is bad or a polar vortex hits, it's my "suck it up, buttercup, this is the only way the run is getting done" consolation prize.  Either way, it is nice to have one when I need it.  

I've been treadmilling for about 6 years, so I thought I would share some of my most unhelpful tips with you in case you're looking at getting one yourself:

#1: Always wear a visor on the treadmill.  Those overhead lights in your treadmill room sure can blind you.

#2: Treadmills really help you build mental fortitude.  For example, I can now repeat "OMG I CANNOT DO ANY MORE MILES ON THIS *BLEEPING* TREADMILL" at least fifty times when I do my long runs on the 'mill.

#3: When running on the treadmill, make sure to run all the way to the front of that sucker so you can hit the little bump they put at the top of the belt with your feet.  That way you can trip yourself to practice your balance AND running at the same time.

#4: When running on the treadmill in the winter, make sure to touch the little metal heart-rate-measuring spots on your treadmill to zap yourself first before handling your phone to skip to the next music track.  That way you won't zap your phone into oblivion.

#5: Make sure you have something to look at while treadmilling other than a blank wall so your eyes don't get all crazy when running.  For example, consider a TV, putting your treadmill facing a window, or a small portable DVD player.  Then completely forget to pay attention to any of that as you spiral down into your suffering, wondering when the run will end.

#6: If you have one of those neat-o folding treadmills, never ever leave your treadmill unattended after unfolding it.  If you do leave it unattended to do stupid things like use the bathroom before running, never, EVER start it until you've checked to see that there are no small animals or children underneath the treadmill next to that naked, exposed, fur-shaving belt. 

#7: Want to be the only person in your house that uses the treadmill?  Never ever wipe your sweat off it.  Ever.

#8: If you ever feel like you can't do any more treadmill miles, crying is always an option.

It's time for the learnings:

• I love the Chicago Marathon except for running it with about 40,000 of my closest friends.
• I will eventually race a marathon instead of just farting around a marathon course.  Honest.
• I was just kidding about tip #8.  There's no crying in running.
• I wasn't kidding about #6.  I thought my cat would never recover from the mental trauma.
• "Suck it up, buttercup" is one of my favorite all time phrases.

Tomorrow's workout: Time for a tempo!