Day 5, Week 7: Dark morning runs & Don't ever let the doubt monster win

I took the large running dog for a 3-mile spin this morning at 4:20 AM.  Why so early?  Because, I keep telling you people--I'm an idiot.  Even the dog couldn't look me in the eye this morning; THAT's how disgusted he was with me for dragging him out in those wee hours of the morning.

I just...I can't even LOOK at you 

Eventually he got over it though.

Alright, I'm done being disgusted.  Let's get our run on.

My legs are still pretty tight, so I was glad to run an easy three this morning in those nice cool 50 degree temps surrounded by darkness and a dog that likes to pull you as if he were in the Iditarod.  My legs desperately needed a break from all the heavy pounding they'd been getting, and I thought a very nonstupid thought during the run this morning - that these recovery runs are part of what's going to get me to my 4:05 marathon goal time in Dallas.

I'll be honest, there are days where I don't think I'll ever be able to hit a 4:05.  The doubt monster creeps in and sucks all the confidence right out of me at those times.  But then I think about times where I did hit my goal time right on the money...and how at the start of those races I had no idea if I was ever going to hit the goal.  But I knew I had trained and I was going to throw it all out there and the course and see what happened.

One of those times was when I finally ran a sub-2 hour half marathon.  I tried five times previously, but the 6th time it was all mission accomplished.  You can tell by the finish line pic below I was simply overcome with happiness.

Actually, when I crossed the line I had no idea if I had done it or not.  I didn't own a GPS watch at the time and am really bad at math in my head so I just ran like the dickens and hoped for the best.  And by "ran like the dickens" I mean running the entire gamut of emotions during the race:

Miles 1-4: I TOTALLY GOT THIS WOOT
Miles 5-8: I feel like sitting down and crying but my legs won't let me
Miles 9-11: I have to look halfway decent because the hubbs will be nearby to take a pic so suck it up buttercup
Miles 12-13: What if I do it what if I do it WOULDN'T THAT BE AMAZING??
Mile 13.1: I will die before I reach the finish line and never know if I ran a sub-2 *sob* (don't believe me?  See the pic of me in that last tenth below.)

I do a fantastic miserable.

I was in such complete suffering by that point in the race.  I was scrambling to stay ahead of the 2 hour pacers, but in the last mile I kept seeing that little pace sign bobbling off in my peripheral vision.  So I kept going faster and faster to stay ahead of it, hence the look of impending death on my face.

Well, I didn't die, but I had to wait until the results were posted on the internet to find out.  And I had.  And I screamed so loud when I saw my results I startled my poor sleeping husband right out of the bed.  I partly screamed because I had accomplished my goal...the other part of that scream was because I realized that pacer was a tad off.  I came in around 1:58 and some change, which, my friends, means I was running my sweet patootie off in that last mile for almost nothing.

But enough about my sweet patootie.  Why am I even telling this story?  Because when some people find out about my marathoning and duathloning and Ragnaring and see all my participation medals they get a little freaked out.

Some people just like that they're all shiny.  I know I do.

And when they freak out, I hear things like, "I could never run like that" or "I would be so slow" or "I would never be able to run as fast as you/marathons like you/race like you."

One thing I've learned about goals through running is this: If you don't think you can do it, then you won't be able to do it.  Every time I have started a marathon with more doubt than confidence, I have NEVER hit my time goal.  But the times where I plan on just getting it done and trusting my training...those are the best races.  Listen, if you have a running goal, you might have to try and fail a few times.  However, you still have to hold on to that goal and fight for it, even if you suck at first.  If you want to run, yes you can.  If you don't want to be slow, believe and work at getting faster.  If you want to run marathons, then believe you can run a marathon-but put the work into getting there first.

You just gotta do it.  Even if you suck.

And now to summarize the learnings:

• I changed the batteries in my headlamp.  Now it's awesome until the batteries suck again.
• Large running dog is just as nutso in the dark as he is during the day.
• That first sub-2 marathon was a sweet, sweet victory where I couldn't walk for days afterwards.
• Don't let the doubt monster keep you from a goal like I have.  That guy is a freaking creep.

Tomorrow's workout: 6 mile run, 4 miles at tempo (warp factor 5), again in the dark with the large running dog.  Stay tuned to see if he keeps trying to drag me into the ditch!