I made a runner-to-nonrunner dictionary. You're welcome.

This morning the training plan indicated a need for speed.

What good is a treadmill if you can't do things on it
you're really not supposed to do when it's moving?

Well, I'm not so speedy in that pic.  But I did manage to bust out those ten 400m repeats with some sass to spare.

Ten 400m repeats...

...and some SASS

I was talking with someone about this workout and I was all "Oh I love 400s...way better than 1600m repeats....I think 800s are my favorites though...way better than tempo-ing for 10 miles fer sure..." and this someone said this to me after I was done babbling:

"I have no idea what you just said.  Did you run or what?  How many miles is 400 meters?"

Buh.  Understanding was foiled by my use of content-specific vocabulary.  After explaining what I meant, I realized that putting together a little runner-to-nonrunner dictionary may be in order, just to promote peace between our two peoples.  Below is my first attempt at such a dictionary:

1. Body glide: A substance that prevents chafing in mentionable and unmentionable places and prevents screaming when a runner first steps in the shower after a long run.
2. Long run: When runners of their own voluntary free will run the same number of miles that, when that number of miles is mentioned to a non-runner, will cause the non-runner's eyes to bug out of their head all cartoon-style.
3. Repeat: When runners (again, voluntarily) run shorter distances at insane speeds over and over again in the hopes that they will get magically faster when running 26.2 miles.
4. Vitamin I: A vitamin of amazing powers that, when runners take it before a run, banishes all pain and makes minor injuries seem to disappear.  Also known as "ibuprofen."
5. Energy gel: A little packet of flavored sugar that is sold to runners at exorbitant prices, making them consider just eating cake frosting while running because it's cheaper.
6. 4 AM Run: The most unfathomable run to non-runners, this type of run occurs when the runner has an hour-long commute, which causes the runner to immediately pass out with exhaustion after work so the run must be done at 4 AM to get it done at all.
7. Tempo run: Where a runner runs 3-8 miles at what's known as a "comfortably hard" pace, a pace also known as "why am I running this fast when I could be on the couch with some cheesy puffs" pace.
8. Head lamp: A device that allows a runner trucking around outside at 4 AM to see the road in front of them, all sorts of creepy shadows in the corn, and the glowing little eyes of whatever critters are huddling in the ditches wondering WTF is running by them at that crazy hour of the morning.
9. Butt-light: A blinky little (usually) red light that runners wear on their backs (and much less often, their butts) that is probably the result of some prank pulled on a runner by a non-runner.  
10. Hydration belt: Just a fancy, more socially acceptable fanny pack for runners.

And there you go; while I'm sure I've left some terms out, this is a start for all you runners out there trying to hold a meaningful and intelligible conversation with a non-runner.  Conversely, if you're a nonrunner, this dictionary will help you communicate more effectively with your happy little runners.

Well, if you even want to talk to them.  That's the assumption, after all.


And now we're assuming you want some of these good learnings:

• Hubbs hates it when I do potentially dangerous things on the treadmill.  Which is why I keep doing them and taking pictures to send to him later.
• When you turn your headphones up really really loudly you can't hear how much wheezing you're doing during those 400s.
• I didn't really want to do the run this morning.  I wanted to go back to bed because I had gotten the first nice deep sleep since I got sick over a week ago.
• I have had way too many running convos with people who nod and smile through my explanation of my workout and then cock their head at me and say, "So...what exactly does all that mean?  Did you have a good run?" .....*sigh*
• After I publish this I'll re-read it and think of about 50 funnier things I could have said in that dictionary.  Bummer.
• Female cat says this post is over and for me to go to bed.  

Hyooman.  Time to shut it.

And I listen to her because she can kill me in my sleep so easily.

Tomorrow's workout: Cathe! PHA! And some abs!