Dallas Marathon 2017: I'm a moron and I have photos to prove it.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days; I have missed dumping out stream-of-consciousness postings here.  But I haven't worked out since the little marathon I ran on Sunday, so I really had nothing to post unless you wanted pictures of me downing my morning coffee in an effort to get that one eye that never wants to open all the way in the morning open while a variety of animals crawl on me.  Well, I guess I could have droned on and on about my marathon, but it wouldn't have been nearly as good without the all my stupid race pictures, which I finally downloaded today.

So, how did the race go?  Well, that can be summed up in one little sentence:

I am a moron.

I know, I know--this is probably a shock to most of you (not really).  But really, it's true.  I was a total moron in this race, and this race recap will now consist of me counting my moronic ways rather than giving a boring mile-by-mile description.  Let's begin with the first one, shall we?

Moron Thing #1: Because this race was out of town, my eating was all off-kilter.

It was a lot more eating out than I was used to (mainly Jimmy John's), but my twin sis up there was nice enough to cook some store-bought hamburgers for me the night before the race.  "Gee, cooking at home the night before my goal marathon sure is a better idea than eating out!" I thought.  Now I know that was a very incredibly, ginormously stupid thought.  Those burgers will make a comeback later, I promise.

Moron Thing #2: I ran the first half too fast.  Of course. And then the hills began.

Do you see those two 8:52 miles?  Yeah, I did too.  So did my quads.  You see, the course that I signed up for wasn't exactly the course that I ran.  I knew there were some small hills for the first 6 miles or so, but last year we didn't end up running all the way around White Rock Lake.  We instead ran back along a very, very, VERY flat path to the finish. This year they changed the course so we did run all the way around White Rock Lake, so there were more hills and more pain and more of me getting on the struggle bus by mile 16 and hanging on for dear life.

It looks like I'm running but I'm really
taking a ride on the struggle bus.

But the lake was absolutely gorgeous, darling.

Moron Thing #3: Don't worry, those hamburgers slowed me down.

Specifically, they slowed me down at mile 14.  I got to use a nice port-a-john without waiting, and I thought I was good to go for the rest of the race...until mile 16.  And miles 18 and 19.  At the end of mile 19 I got an up-close view of the different plant species that grow around White Rock Lake, if you catch my drift. 

Moron Thing #4: I decided to walk-run from mile 17 onward.  And by "run" I mean "warp factor 10."

I was completely bummed out by mile 17 that a PR just wasn't going to happen for me that day.  I was so upset I was all "SCREW THIS IMMA RUN/WALK AND POUT THE ENTIRE TIME." After the first run/walk interval, I decided pouting wasn't gong to do me any good, but running my run intervals at around an 8 minute pace would be a good idea.  Spoiler alert: it wasn't.  My quads were locked by mile 23 because of that and, as an extra added bonus, my back spasmed within 600 meters of the finish.  It was still spasming after I finished, and was even encouraging my quads to join in.  You can see that in one of my finisher pics:

Speaking of finishing, how did it all shake out in the end?  Well, the race people will tell you I crossed in 4:29 (which for a hilly course run too fast with run/walk pouting isn't that bad for me).  My watch, which graciously autopaused during my pit stops, said I ran a 4:22.  I'll take a 4:22, since it's the fastest marathon time I've had in a few years.  I'll also take the lessons I learned during that marathon and try not to make the same mistakes during my spring goal marathon....and maybe then I'll stop being a moron.

But until then, here's one last race picture to remind you of my moron-ness:

Lady behind me be like "I HATE YOU HAPPY RUNNER"

Did you miss the learnings?  I know you did.  Here they are:

• My journey on the struggle bus didn't let me take too many goofy photos.  I was too fixated on finishing.
• While a lot of people around me were in winter gear (it was in the 30s at the start), by the half I was all "I am so glad I wore this tank top and skirt....suckers."
• It was a gorgeous course, and I would definitely recommend running it.  Just, you know, don't be a moron about it like I was.
• I hereby apologize to the volunteers handing out finisher shirts for growling at them because they did not know where I could get my race series jacket.  It was my quads growling, not me.

Tomorrow's workout: Haven't decided yet.  Maybe weights, maybe a 3-miler in the cold dark of 4 AM.  Guess we'll both find out tomorrow, won't we?