Runner's World Run Plan App: So far, just a lot of random tapping

This morning I cranked open the Runner's World Run Plan app to see what new workout goodness awaited me.  This is what I saw:

"Threshold," I thought.  "Looks like speed work to me.  I don't think I've ever intentionally done a threshold workout.  Are they kind of like tempos?"  So I went to the Google and found this from a Runner's World article:

Well.  That clears it up.  Maybe.  I guess what I did could be considered a cruise-interval from the information above.  What I think I did is get completely tricked into running a-little-over-a-mile repeats, as the workout clearly called for two 2000K (around 1.25 miles) repeats.  And we all know how much I love (not really) mile repeats--I love them like getting three root canals all at once.  Large dog, as per his usual nonplussed self, was not bothered by this run plan trickery.

ZOMG WE WENT RUNNING ZOMG

While I sucked it up, buttercup, and did the workout, I felt good about those pseudo-mile repeats.  So good, in fact, that I threw up some jazz hands at the hubbs when he asked me how it went.

Jazz hands and animal butts.  You're welcome.

Anyway, enough about running.  Let's talk about this Runner's World Run Plan app.  Or rather, let's talk about how I'm basically paying for the time spent poking around in this app and asking questions only experienced (aka, those who have larger numbers on their ages) people who can't program their VCRs ask...especially since no one uses VCRs anymore and there's no one left that knows how to do it so they're asking questions to essentially the air around them.

But I digress.  Let's go through some of the questions I had to ask myself while trying to figure out this app:

1. Wait...*taptaptap*wait...*morefurioustapping*...where's my training plan?  For as much as I paid for the yearly subscription to this app, you'd think the training plan would jump out at you and be outlined with blinking neon lights.  Nope.  I opened up the calendar thinking it would be listed for me on each day, but all I saw was an empty wasteland of white space.

Where are the workouts? There they aren't.

People...it took me two full days to discover that I had to tap on the day and date to actually see the workout for each day.

Look over there...where you wouldn't expect it to be at all if you're old.

I was relieved to actually find the plan I paid for.  But then my stupid questions continued about the plan itself.

2. Wait...wait...how do I switch the days I do the workouts?  Now, you all know I get up at around 3:30 AM most days, and on Thursdays I have to be up at 3 AM to torture myself with exercise so I can get to work earlier than normal.  The plan originally had my easy run on Wednesday mornings and my threshold (aka "mile repeats in disguise") workouts on Thursday mornings.  Since I like to keep my Thursday morning workouts as short as possible, I tapped around the app for a good 15 minutes before I found out how to switch it in the preferences.  

While it took me forever, it's actually pretty neat that you can customize the plan so much after it's generated - and then it will recalculate the plan for you through the magic of computers and running pixie dust.

3. Wait...wait...WHOA why do I have double the mileage?!? So the app does transfer workouts you do in other apps, like Garmin, Strava, and Fitbit, to name a few.  I did set that up when I first opened the app, but then got all confused one day when I was tap-tap-tapping around trying to find a workout when I saw this screen with that big blue tantalizing button at the bottom:

It's big.  It's blue.  It's begging to be tapped.

That button lured me in, making me think that the app hadn't picked up the workout from Garmin-land where I normally keep my workouts.  So I logged it, and then ended up with double the total miles and a stern "Off Target" warning in the "Manage" section.  And I ended up with one last question...

4. Alright.  Wait.  I have to delete the workout I just stupidly logged.  How do I do that?!?  One stupid act leads to another stupid question, I guess.  It took me a solid 5 minutes to realize that to delete a workout you had to head over to the calendar, click on the name of the workout, click the little pencil and whatever that is icon that means "Edit," I guess, to get to this screen:

Oh there it is. SO OBVIOUS

I give that whole process a frowny-face.

While I have really enjoyed the workouts so far this week, I have not enjoyed feeling like my mom every time we got a new TV growing up that came with an increasingly complicated remote control ("Uhh...kids...I was trying to find a cooking show and ended up deleting all the channels except the one that shows nothing but static all the time.  Can you reprogram this thing?!?") every time I try to operate this app.  But, you know, God forbid I tap over to Chrome on my phone and, you know, like Google these answers. God for-freaking-bid.

And God forbid we forget the learnings:

• I didn't know if those pseudo-mile repeats were going to be successful this morning in the 14 mph winds we had.  But they were, to my pleasant surprise.
• This blog definitely needs more jazz hands.
• I know that mistakes are how you learn but when you're old you just wonder if those mistakes are a sign you're losing your marbles earlier than expected.
• I was not kidding about my mom - two TVs destroyed beyond repair after she got ahold of those remotes.
• I could have Googled what I needed to know, but it's way more fun not to and then blog about it.

Tomorrow's workout: Supposed to be a 3-4 mile easy run, but that's going to turn into some strength training if we get the thunderstorms they're predicting.

My long run review & my hatred of sagging tights.

Today's workout was Cathe's Ramped Up Upper Body because yesterday I abused my lower body by doing an 18 mile long run.

If you have eyeballs and can do basic math, you'll see that my long run was actually split into two parts and you'll calculate that these two runs were actually about a quarter of a mile short of 18 miles.  The reason for the shortness is because of my watch not being calibrated for the treadmill--my runs always come up short on the 'mill.  Believe me, the treadmill said I ran 11.0 miles, and I tend to side with the treadmill over my watch.

Anyway, why the split?  Well, the original plan was to do 7 miles with large dog and then drop him off and continue the run.  But after I was out there and ran into the cold wind for an hour I realized two things:

1) I was SO over running into the cold wind, and
2) My brand-new running tights were falling down and I was slowly losing whatever was left of my running sanity pulling them up every 5 nanoseconds.

Because of these two things, when I was back inside I didn't go back out.  I put on summer clothing (including a pair of capris that do NOT fall down) and slogged it out on the treadmill for 11 miles.  And when I mean "slog" I mean "almost quit 6 times because I really was not feeling this run."  I stopped on the treadmill several times intending to just give up and do it the next day (today), but during the 6th time I had the presence of mind to actually check the weather for the next day...and found out it was supposed to look like the picture below, only with 20 mph winds in addition to the snow:

It's like it's winter or something.

And that made me decide to just suck it up, buttercup, and freaking finish the run on the treadmill.  I rented a movie off Amazon (Thor: The Dark World) and did my "one mile easy/two miles a little bit faster" strategy to throw in some variety and an easy mile every now and then I could look forward to doing.  Because that's how you get through a really really long treadmill run--force yourself to run the run in smaller mental bits.

But making it through those 18 miles any way I could isn't really what I want to focus on right now.  What do I want to talk about?  Running tights.

You see, for runners training for races in the winter (and any other runner that just likes to get out there when the weather turns to crap every winter), running tights can make or break your run. Well, they make or break my run, anyway.  Below is my list of demands out of any pair of running tights I own:

• They are warm enough for the weather in which they are intended for a runner to run
• They do not fall down during a run.
• They are the most brightly-colored tights I can find in that style and/or brand
• If they have zippers near the ankles, they do not dig into your ankles during the run
• They have pockets somewhere.  Pockets along each side are preferable to just having a small zippered pocket in the back.
• They do not fall down during a run and start sagging, untucking your base layer and letting the wind whip around your naked waist.
• They are made from a quick-dry material so you don't feel like a soggy mess after a run.
• Have I mentioned I don't like it when they freaking fall down and sag while I'm running?
• They hold up after being washed over and over again because they can be really freaking expensive.

This week I've worn two different pairs of running tights that are new to me: RBX's Prime Fleece Lined Tech Pocket running tights and Under Armour's Coldgear Infrared Evo Tights.  The RBX tights were relatively inexpensive ($36), had large pockets on each leg, were a boring grey color, and really were lined with fleece.  The Under Armour tights were more expensive ($50 on sale after Xmas), had no pockets whatsoever, were lined with that silvery infrared lining they have which I suspect is just mylar, and were a way more fun color/pattern.  After wearing both of them for runs of 5 miles or more, I can clearly state that one pair of these tights far surpassed the other in terms of meeting my criteria:

RBX is the WINNER!

Even though they were an extremely boring color, the RBX tights came out ahead in my little running tights competition this week not just because of their extra pockets or their fleece-warming goodness.  They came out ahead because they didn't try and fall down to my knees whilst I was doing my running thing, completely unlike the more fun-colored and expensive but extremely saggy and pocket-free Under Armour tights.

Oh they look fun and playful...until you run in them.

Don't be fooled by pretty, expensive running tights like I was.  Pretty doesn't mean functional.  Or anti-sagging.

Having said that, anyone want to take a pair of slightly-used expensive and pretty running tights off my hands?


End-of-long-post learnings below:

• I'm just not into running into strong, cold winds anymore.  I'm over it.
• I should get out early in the morning for my long runs, when the wind isn't as strong.  I'm working on it.
• Just because a pair of tights (or any piece of running gear for that matter) costs more doesn't mean they will perform well.  
• And just because my tights sag for 7 miles while attached to a dog that's trying to drag you into the ditch at random intervals doesn't mean I will want to kill the first person I see.  
• But I wouldn't be that "first person I see" if I were you.

Tomorrow's workout: Speed intervals, baby.  2 x 1200 and 4 x 800.

Why did I tempo this morning? Why not?

If you're one of the two or three people that read the facetious garbage I write here every day, you know that I'm not a fan of tempos.  And today was no different - I didn't want to do my regularly scheduled tempo run today, either, especially in the snow and the freezing rain that hit in the last mile.  But I did it anyway, and I did it with large dog since it was nice enough to take him.

What large dog? THAT large dog.

So why oh why did I do my tempo run this morning?  Let the enumeration of reasons begin:

1. Large dog needed a run.  There is an inverse relationship between the amount of running large dog does and the amount of time the male cat's head gets eaten by the very same large dog, and the cat was getting a little twitchy.

Post-run DERP

2. My brain would not allow me to tempo on the treadmill for 2 weeks in a row.  When I even the began the thought, "Maybe I should treadmill this run" my brain vetoed it with a loud NOPE.  It eventually devolved into my brain doing that "la la la la I CAN'T HEAR YOU" thing and I was forced to go and get dressed for an outdoor run.

3. Tempos are good for you.  Tempos are one of those lovingly hated workouts that, you know, help make you faster and build your endurance....two things you kind of need if you're going to run long distances.  

4. I promised myself to do all my tempos and run them outside.  And if I don't keep promises to myself, then who CAN I trust???

5. I like to run in the snow and the cold and come back with my GPS watch crusted with ice.  Not really.  But, as the hubbs says, "SUCK IT UP IT'S GOOD TRAINING"

6. I got to wear my favorite winter running mittens evah.  You know the ones--the ones with the mesh so your hands can be cool AND warm at the very same time.  It's like freaking magic, only it's really thermodynamics.

Small dog is not impressed.

7. I told myself I could run 10 seconds over my target pace (8:44) because I had yet again spent the night coughing and hacking and wheezing.  As you can see, I was my usual idiot self and ran too freaking fast.

8. Running outside was the only way I could escape the hubbs' snoring.

9. Why tempo?  Why not?

Is there anything to learn from this post?  Yes, there is:

• Tempos.  Suck 'em up, buttercup.  Even through freezing rain.
• I think we bought the cats a few hours of freedom today.  Male cat seemed less covered in dog slobber when I got home.
• Speaking of thermodynamics, one of these days I should do a running-and-science-related post.  Facetiously, of course.
• What I should do on tempo days is tell myself my target pace is 15 seconds slower than it really is so that way when I run it too fast then I'm right on pace.  GENIUS.
• Think I'm exaggerating about the hubbs' snoring?  Think again.

Tomorrow's workout:  Going to do Cathe's Pull Day workout so it matches my Push Day one from Tuesday.

I'm really tired so it's just a haiku for you

I was doing Cathe's Low Impact HiiT (Workout #1) from her Ripped with HiiT series at 4 AM this morning, went to work, and just now (10 PM) stopped working.  So I'm a little too sleep deprived-groggy to write a lengthy coherent post right now.  Instead, I decided to throw out a post-workout pic and haiku to go with it, continuing with yesterday's poetry theme.  Enjoy!

Much jumping and sweat
Posterior very sore
Cat says suck it up


Tired and sleepy learnings:

• I have got to come up with better ideas to get more sleep other than "self-induced coma."
• My high school English teachers would be proud.  Not really.
• This was supposed to be an easy day but you stay in a squat position so much in that workout that going to the bathroom requires a lot of forethought at the moment.
• In fact, it requires more forethought than that haiku did.

Tomorrow's workout: Total body weights--hello, barbell!

Day 1, Week 14: Running ninja pics & ways to deal with marathon suck

As I mentioned yesterday, large dog and I were supposed to go race a little 5K after running 7 miles before we got there.

Well, that didn't exactly happen.  Mainly because I forgot to set my alarm and we woke up super late.  But it turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because large dog and I had a completely kickin' last long-ish run...and we got to run in 55 degree weather, no less.

Even large dog celebrated how well this last run went.

The cats even thought we were looking good.  Or they were just on the lookout for large dog coming back to potentially eat their heads.  You just never know with cats.

Large dog looks good...hyooman needs work. 
As usual.

So, how well did it go?  The training schedule called for a 10 mile run at marathon pace.  Remember that marathon pace is a 9:20....supposedly.

I know, I know, I ran it too fast.  Maybe it was the 55-degree weather at the start of December, but this run felt very, very easy.  Maybe that's the way the plan was designed--that this last run at marathon pace was a test to see if you had trained sufficiently and could breeze through your race.  Well, breeze through the first 10 miles, anyway.  Marathons tend to be just a touch longer than 10 miles, in case you were not aware.

So it looks like I can be confident about the first ten miles....so what will I do when I start to lose confidence after that (because I always want to sit down and cry around mile 20)?  Well, people have given me some ideas over the years, some of which I might actually try:

• Have a mantra that you repeat to yourself to get your mind right during those moments when you want to give up.  Some suggest "You're stronger than you think you are" or "Run like a badass."  My mantra usually consists of bargains with myself, such as "If you just keep running you can get some new shoes.  Or a dress.  Or a puppy."  As of today, I owe myself approximately 127 puppies.
• Find another runner and pace them so you have something else upon which to focus.  I've done this before; sometimes it works, and sometimes I just think of how easy that person is making it look and yet I am suffering so I should just sit down and cry.
• Do a complete body check-in when you feel yourself thinking you aren't going to make it. Think about every body part and make it relax, and "check in" with it to make yourself realize your body is not as tired as you think (your brain gives up way before the body does).  I do this often during a marathon, but here's a pro-tip for you: If you decide to shake out your arms and shoulders, make sure you're not going to clock anyone in the gut as they run by you as you flail your arms about.
• Pretend that the face of someone you really, really, don't like is underneath your feet with each footfall. Not gonna lie-this one works the best when I'm suffering the most because it provides me with a way to channel my frustration and anger.  But it does nothing to solve whatever problem(s) you have with that person-just a little bonus life coaching there for you.  You're welcome.
• Internally scream SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP and remember that pain is temporary, but race results on the internet are forever.  This is more of a "tough love" approach, which is pretty much my default.

As you can see, I have some options if times get tough next weekend during my marathon.  And don't worry--I won't sit down and cry if it gets really bad.  I'll lay down and cry instead.


Have we learned anything at all from this post?  Maybe we learned these things:

• Are you used to having a cat tree in the background of all my indoor selfies?  I know you are by now.  Embrace the cat tree.
• "Running Ninja" is my favorite selfie pose.
• Large dog always rears up like that when we start a run.  Like a horse in an old western movie.  Because he is large AND weird.
• Do you know how happy I was that I got to wear a light long-sleeved t-shirt and capris on December 3rd in the Northern Hemisphere for a 10 mile run?
• I know it's going to hurt after miles 18.  But you have to have a strategy to deal with the hurt...even if it includes stomping on imaginary faces.

Tomorrow's workout: More intermediate Cathe workouts, this time an upper-body workout.  Still gonna be weird not lifting heavy...

Day 3, Week 12: A peek into my mental sabotage.

Hey hey hey it's Tuesday!  And we all know what that means:  It's speed work day, people.

Except for mile repeats, I am generally jazzed about speed work.  When I got on the treadmill this morning, I was all "Oh yay it's just eight 800m repeats this will go by SO FAST."  At least that's what I thought during the mile warm-up.  I was a little less optimistic after the first repeat, and by the third repeat my mental mantra was "MY GOD I WILL NEVER DO ALL 8 OF THESE" rather than "No sweat!  8 by 800 is great!"

But I kept on trudging through those repeats at warp speed, wondering what the heck my problem was this morning.  It wasn't until the 6th repeat that I realized the cause of my mental anguish:

I had the sound turned down on my headphones.

Now, I know what you're thinking--that I'm an idiot and you should click away from this blog forever.  But before you get all clickity-click happy, let me tell you why that was the cause of my speed work issues this morning.  You see, by turning the sound down on my musical motivation, I could now hear my crazy breathing whilst running at warp speed.  This made me think that I couldn't run at warp speed, that I would therefore never make it through all the repeats, hence I suck, and as a direct consequence my marathon is doomed.

As you can see, I spiral down pretty far pretty quickly when I decide to mentally sabotage myself, which is exactly what I did this morning.  What's good about it is that I pushed through and finished the workout, which became a bit easier once I cranked up my headphones and could no longer hear the extent of my own suffering. 

However, the suffering I had just endured was pretty evident post-workout.

The suffering is that dark purple color on my shirt.

After thinking about my mental sabotage this morning, I began to think about other ways I I like to sabotage a run or a race, sometimes even before it begins.  Here are some of my more common tactics:

1) Heat.  If I check the weather and see if the temps for the race will be unusually warm, my race is pretty much done at that point.  This is because I am a moron.  If I don't check the weather and just deal with the temps as they come, I am much better off (Example: my recent Chicago marathon performance).

2) Bike envy.  Obviously, this applies to when I get my duathlon on.  As soon as I am in the bike transition area I start looking at all the other, newer, more awesome bikes in there...and then I start thinking they are all faster than my bike so I should just take my crappy little bike and go home.  But I never do because I know the hubbs will mock me if I do that and the animals will shoot me looks of disdain for the rest of the day.

3) Assuming every person at a race is faster than me.  I do this without realizing it at almost every race, and I can't seem to break this habit.  It really gets me down at the start of a race; the good thing is this quickly dissipates once the race starts because then I actually get to pass some of these people.

4) Cold.  This is the exact opposite of #1, in case you didn't know.  I become convinced that really low temperatures will cause me to suck and tank a run or a race.  Well, at least tank it before I freeze to death on the course.

5) Judgmental cats. They never believe in you.  They only want you to fail.  And then feed them.

All I have to say is that it's a good thing I have some antidotes for my mental sabotage techniques.  And some of you might feel that it's a good thing that this post is over now.


Stop--Learning time:

• I love speed work.  Really, I do.
• I also love it when I suck it up, buttercup, and get the workout done.
• What can I say-mentally, I'm a mess when it comes to running sometimes.  But I always get out there and see what I'm made of, even if what I'm mostly made of is "wimp."
• I kept falling asleep during this post because work has been wringing all the energy right out of me.  
• The cat does not accept my "falling asleep" excuse.  Ever.  Because cats are jerks.

Tomorrow's workout: Some weight-lifting goodness with Cathe's PHA workout.  Hopefully no mental breakdowns while doing the workout.

Day 6, Week 8: Taking the large dog running > holes in my drywall later.

The training plan this morning said "10 miles at MP (marathon pace)." And then, after reading that, I died.

Just kidding.  I'm alive, I promise.  But I always freak out at workouts like this during the week, like I completely forgot that I was training for a marathon or something.  It's because I'm a moron, as I'm sure I've stated before.

I always think that I can't do workouts like this.  I was all "GAWD I don't know if I can do ten WHOLE miles at MARATHON pace for crying out loud these training plan people are INSANE" even though I will have to run 26.2 miles at that VERY SAME PACE in December.  After noting this incongruence, I then rolled my own eyes at myself and proceeded to petulantly stomp upstairs to get dressed.  Large dog followed me just in case I might be putting on running clothes and did his best pathetic if-you-go-running-I-want-to-go-too pose.

Patheticness Factor: 1000

As I was wondering what to wear, I looked outside and saw the wind.  It was hard not to see, because the trees were bending right in front of it and it looked very cold and very hard to run 10 miles at marathon pace in.  It's at that moment that I considered my options:

1. Scrap the run and go have more coffee in the recliner because...hey! More coffee!
2. Do the run later when the wind dies down this afternoon...*checks weather app*...and it's not going to die down this afternoon. *insertbadwordshere*
3. Suck it up, buttercup, and get out there and do as many miles as you can.  And take the large dog with you because misery loves company.

Seeing that option #3 was pretty much my only option because doing the run later is always a lie for me and the small dog had already claimed the recliner as his for the rest of the morning, I got dressed for a freaking cold and windy run using my usual running fashion sense.

I got the large dog in his running gear and off we went, running the same one mile loop eight times.  We have to do the same loop because that loop is a dog-free zone (except for the large dog, of course). You see, I live in the country and everyone has dogs that run off-leash, sometimes causing me to have to decide which leg I'm going to let them have if they catch up to me while I'm being chased.  This mile through town isn't one where I have to worry about having to force the large dog to make that same decision.

To make the run more bearable, I decided on a wind-coping strategy: slow down.  If you look at the mile route up above, you'll notice that I end up running in all directions (NSEW) at some point.  Since the wind was coming from the west, I decided I would slow down when I was running into the wind, and speed up when it was at my back or coming from the side.  It worked, because check out these sexy splits:

Now, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "ZOMG your marathon pace is around a 9 minute mile???  Are you a crazy woman?"  While the crazy is obvious, my marathon pace is not, alas, a 9 minute mile.  It's a 9:20 min/mile pace.  So way to go me for running too fast.  As usual.  Only this time it was too fast in 18 mph winds, because I am a moron.  But the cat sure seemed impressed when she was watching us run.

Hyooman faster than I thought.  Will note that in plan to
kill her when her usefulness ends.

And I even know something else you're thinking.  You're thinking, "How many pictures of her damn animals does she need?"  

He asks me that same question all the time.

You're also wondering why I only ran 8 miles instead of 10.  Well, that's because I took too long farting around trying to decide if I was actually going to do the run that I got into a bit of time crunch. But the run got did, even if it was 2 miles short.  Remember, some workout is better than no workout.

And also remember that making the large dog happy and wearing him out is better than having him chew holes in the drywall later.

Post learnings comin' at ya:

• When I tell myself I can't do a run at a certain distance or pace, it's pretty much a lie.  Just like my "I'll do that run after work" lie.
• If you ever run with large dog into the wind, he stops pulling you like a sled dog and makes you, like, actually run without assistance.  The jerk.
• Running a one-mile loop 8 times by the same houses in the neighborhood sure makes the neighbors start questioning your sanity.
• The dogs tell me that drywall is an acquired taste.

Tomorrow's workout: More weight-lifting goodness.  Maybe I'll get crazy and do a different workout than I usually do on a Saturday.  Stay tuned!