Day 7, Week 4: A chronicle of the TC 10K and 5K in really stupid pictures.

Just so much running craziness today.  Where do I even begin?  I think I'll start at the beginning.

This is a stick-up.  Gimme all your water and gels.

The twin and I started out hitting snooze about 4000 times on our alarms.  We finally got up at 4:30 AM and scrambled to get ready and out the door by 5:15 AM.  I did manage to down 2 entire cups of coffee before we got to the race site, which was on the Capital Grounds in St. Paul.

Before the grounds became littered with runners.  And sunshine.

And then I got a tour of all of the port-a-johns on the Capitol Grounds because of those two cups of coffee.  Just a Twin Cities Marathon Weekend tip for you: The port-a-johns AWAY from the start line usually have no lines.  You're welcome.  I also helpfully pointed out to people where gear check was, because we ended up on an epic journey to find it.

Although you can't tell from the picture that the sign says "gear check" because my photographer was taking photos and videos completely against her will and wasn't really focused on the artistic vision I had for each picture.  Here she is expressing her opinion about being the de facto media specialist for the day.

I then did what I usually do when someone expresses a strong opinion about something to me--I ignored it.  Then I forced her to take stupid pictures like this one:

Hubert Humphrey just doesn't listen these days.

Anyway, after that we actually ran a race.  The first race on the schedule was the TC 10k, a nice out-and-back down Summit Avenue.  If you're nutty like me and run the marathon the next day, this is a good preview of what the last three miles of the race will be like (some hills but a nice downhill finish).  It's a scenic little course, and I finished it in under an hour (57:30 thereabouts).  Which was a completely stupid thing for me to do since I ran a tempo the day before and I still had a 5K and a marathon on the weekend running schedule.  I resolved to run the 5K slower and to keep my legs loose and warm while waiting for the 5K to begin.

The twin was unimpressed with my chosen warming-up activities.  To say the least.

Soon the 5K got underway, which was extra special good this year because they changed the course to go through this neat little downtown-y section and then back down Summit Avenue.  And, like I knew would happen, I didn't really run it that much slower and came in just under 30 minutes because I am a complete and utter moron.  Also evidence I am a moron: my race photos.

Please note kindred race photo crazy in the background.

...aaaaand I'm stupid-posing my way right out of this post now.

Ya'll gonna learn today:

• Normal running pictures?  What are those?  
• I define my own normal.
• But normally I do not forget my headphones, which I did this morning.  Sad!
• I fear for my marathon performance tomorrow.  My legs are really tired right now.
• Forcing a sibling to be your race photographer never ends well.
• Statues are always willing to take pictures with you.

Tomorrow's workout: Twin Cities Marathon!  Woot!

Day 6, Week 4: A tempo and an expo.

Today has been a very long day.  I had this freaking awesome post planned with this crazy funny FAQ about running with my insane dog, but even my funny is tired right now and it's going to have to wait.  But I still wanted to dash off a quick post to keep my blogging mojo trucking, so let me briefly tell you about the day: It all started with a tempo and ended with an expo.

First, the tempo:

The main accomplishments of my 5-mile tempo this morning are as follows:

• I actually did it
• The dog didn't pull me into the ditch as often
• The temperature was PERFECT
• I dared to go outside in those crazy running tights
• I had some pretty decent splits and again ran too fast (miles 2-6 were supposed to be at an 8:48 pace.  Yeah.) and I will pay for this:

And then the expo:

After finishing the run and loading up the dog's bowl with ice cubes, I got ready to head on up to the Twin Cities to take on my Ultra Loony Challenge (5k, 10k, and a marathon in one weekend) with my twin sis.  She is braving the Loony Challenge, which is slightly less crazy by replacing the marathon in my challenge with a 10 mile run.

After a five hour drive with way too many bathroom stops, a coffee mug gone rogue in the car, and my crazy driving through downtown St. Paul, we made it to the expo, picked up our packets, bought too much running gear we didn't need, and headed to the hotel to settle in for the night.

Tomorrow we will both be running the 10K and the 5K, and we will be reviewing the hydration belt I talked about in an earlier post.  Expect to see a lot of pictures and twins making incredibly stupid poses and comments in videos taken before, during, and after those races.  Until then, it's time for this little runner to hit the sack.

Learnings:

• This post wasn't very funny, Terie.
• I know-I'm really tired because the dogs still got me up at my regular 4:30 AM wake-up time even though I had the day off.  Those jerks.
• I also drove 5 hours and walked around a race expo.  Buying running gear you don't need is exhausting.
• I'm going to bed now.  Nite!

Day 5, Week 4: How to gain weight while training for a marathon

This morning I did some delicious PHA training with Cathe again as part of my Wednesday workout alternation of PHA and Boot Camp from her Strong & Sweaty series.  So, I've talked about this one before (it's glutetastic!), so I won't bore everyone with another review of how awesome it is.

Instead, I want to talk about fat.  Specifically, I want to talk about how I gained more of said fat while training for marathons.  Please review the pictures below, taken at the 2016 Austin Marathon where we got heart-shaped bibs because Valentine's day marathon that year:

When I got those race photos, I wanted to cry instead of laugh at how I ruined someone else's photo by posing stupidly behind them.  It was these photos that made me realize how much weight I had gained since starting to train for marathons about 4 years ago.  To give you a reference point, here's what I looked like at my very first marathon:

Wait...wait...that's not it.  How'd that pic up there get in here?  Where's that first marathon picture....oh here it is:

So, like any reasonable person, you're probably asking yourself MY GOD WOMAN WTF HAPPENED? OK, so maybe you're not asking yourself that. But that's what I asked myself, anyway, when I saw those Austin Marathon pics.  After finishing asking myself that question and receiving absolutely no answer (sometimes I'm a jerk like that) I went upstairs and got on the scale.

And that's when the number on the scale almost had my eyeballs popping out of my head.  I had gained 35 pounds since that first marathon.  Thirty.  Five.  Three tens and a five.  Seven groups of five.  Five groups of seven.  No matter which way I grouped those pounds, they were all grouped on me, sometimes in groups that made unsightly bulges around my midsection.

And I didn't like it.  Not one bit.  But I knew how it happened.  Let me give you the steps on how to gain weight while training for marathons:

1. Train for a marathon.
2. Eat crap like entire bags of chocolate candies, spinach dip, french fries, but have an occasional salad to round out your food pyramid.
3. Eat all the time because, you know, marathon training and you'll just burn it off later so you can eat what you want.
4. Gain 35 pounds.
5. Run your goal marathon and don't get the time you're shooting for because the extra weight is slowing you down and you haven't actually eaten any food with real nutrients to fuel your body.

I've already told you how I fixed it.  If you don't believe me, look at this 2017 Austin Marathon pic:

But the problem came about because I had conned myself into believing this popular weight-loss lie:

"If I'm working out all the time I can eat whatever I want."

Nope.  Nope nope nope.  Nopeity nope. Not true.  Eating matters MORE in planning for being the weight at which you want to be.  Don't get me wrong - I love running and I love working out.  But doing it all the time fooled me into believing I was burning TONS of calories so I could shovel TONS of food (and really nutritionally void craptastic food) into my face and not gain an ounce.  Those pictures showed me that I was a fool to believe that. 

And this picture shows I'm just an all-around fool:

Kids...it's lesson time:

• PHA training with Cathe is awesome and glutetastic.  Go buy the DVD already.
• It's true: if you eat whatever you want while training for marathons, you will gain weight.
• Really, it's true.  Believe me.  Did you look at the before and after pictures in the post?
• Excuses do suck.

Tomorrow's workout:  5 mile tempo.  Will she do it?  Tune in and find out.

Day 4, Week 4: Here, let me ruin that race picture for you.

I completely bailed on my bike ride this morning because it was dark and took the dog out for a spin again.  I gotta get my Wednesday biking act together.  3 miles with the dog is better than no workout at all, though.  We even got the extra added bonus of almost getting hit by a car despite the fact I wear all sorts of reflective and blinky things when I run in the dark.  That got the ol' adrenaline going and dog trying to chase the car that hit us!

Since the run this morning wasn't anything to write home about, lets get into the fourth reason why I love the Twin Cities Marathon so much:

Plenty of opportunities to ruin other runners' course photos.

I'm upstaging your photo, 6473!  Ha!

I am a course photography nut.  I plot what poses I'm going to do when I see those cameras, and I especially plan out what's going to happen when I cross the finish line.  Why?  Because I have 26 miles to do nothing but think, and this is a good way to take my mind of the suffering for at least 60 seconds.  And because if I'm going to pay too much for digital photos, they had better be damn interesting to look at and at least give me a chuckle out of the whole deal.

Below is what I consider a "best of" collection of my race photos where I completely ruin it for someone else:

When you least expect it...DEVIL HANDS

Sorry racing runner dude..I'm busting a move behind you.

Just what everyone wants - a complete stranger stopping their
watch as you cross the finish line together!

Excuse me, happy runner, as I die in the
background of your photo.

She probably wasn't smiling when she saw how
I ruined her pretty smiling running photo.

And here's a few more I found that I just needed to share with the entire internet:

He's all "I CAN'T BELIEVE CRAZY BLUE
TIGHTS GIRL BEAT ME"

I'm glad I can make other background
runners happy with my idiocy.

And I'm sailing to the end of this post now.

Today's post learnings:

1. I don't think biking is ever going to happen on a Wednesday again until the days get longer.
2. The dog will be happy about this.
3. If you see someone acting completely stupid in front of a photog at a race, it's probably me
4. I have a crap-ton of running photos
5. Most of those photos are as bad as the ones in this post
6. I am the sucker that pays for all of those photos.

Tomorrow's workout: More weight goodness!  And we'll talk about how you can train for marathons and gain 35 pounds at the very same time!

Day 3, Week 4: Some dumb running mantras and how the TC Marathon makes me less smelly.

Welcome to Treadmill Tuesday, where speed work abounds.  I've told you before that I love speed work.  Like weights, it makes me feel completely badass when I finish a speed workout, whether I'm on the treadmill or outside.

But I'm not always overly excited to get up and *do* the workout.

Even the dog is all GAWD SPEED WORK

This morning a 2 x 1200/4 x 800 workout popped up on the training schedule.  I was going to lie to myself and say that I would do it after work until I realized I had a late meeting to attend and there would be no workout after work.  So I found some motivation to do the run in my closet.

Brooks Launch 4 with knit upper.  Kitty approved.

I just got my sweet new pair of Brooks Launch 4s with the knit upper in the mail yesterday, so these kicks got me to kick my butt over to the treadmill and do the workout.  Now, my legs were still pretty tired from the 18 miler on Sunday, but I pushed through the first mile and felt pretty decent, managing to do the workout without too much mental whining.  To get myself through speed work and not devolve into any mental whining, I have a few internal mantras I use:

• You will not die
• This is where the workout begins (usually this one comes out near the last repeat or interval)
• The brain gives up long before the body does
• Push push push (this works for having a baby as well)
• For crying out loud you run entire marathons and you have done two ultras GET THIS 400 DONE YOU WIMP

While I know counselors and other like professionals would urge everyone to have a kinder, gentler inner dialogue instead of that last mantra, I find that the last one is, unfortunately, the most effective for me.  I respond well to my own abuse, I guess.

Speaking of abuse, let me lay another reason down for you to love the Twin Cities marathon, which is now just 4 crazy days away!  And today's reason is the main reason I run any race:

Blingity bling bling bling!

The bling, baby.  2015 bling pictured above.

When you do the Ultra Loony, you get all the t-shirts from the 3 races you do (5K, 10K, Marathon), all the finisher medals, a bonus challenge medal, plus all the finisher t-shirts.  I get more blingity-bling for my medal rack and I get to get rid of three smelly running t-shirts and replace them with fresh ones every year.  Thanks, TC Marathon, for helping me be a less smelly runner.

Why a standing medal rack?  Why not?

And here's your summary of the learnings:

• Saying that I will do my workout later is always a lie.
• Have I mentioned I love my Launch 4s?  Because if I haven't I really, really love them.
• I really do respond best to my own abuse.
• Sometimes my running mantra is PLEASE PLEASE LET THIS BE OVER SOON
• You mean people run races for something other than bling?  Crazy talk.

Tomorrow's workout: A bike ride!  I hope!

Day 2, Week 4: 104 reps??? and Reason #2 to love the TC Marathon

Twin Cities is only FIVE days away, people, so let me tell you the second reason why I love this TC Marathon so much (you can see the first reason here if you missed it and are linear like I am):

Stayin alive!  Get it? Because it's a marathon...nevermind.

The awesome sweat pits you get by mile 14.  Especially the elbow-pits.

Just kidding.  The second reason is that even through the marathon suffering that begins for me in the first half mile, this race is freaking fun.  There is always crowd support, and they have fun signs and will scream whatever you write for them to scream on your shirt.  They give you all sorts of goodies, too-I have been the welcome recipient of pickles, salt tabs, bananas, oranges, jolly ranchers, beer, pretzels, and cookies of all kinds.  I swear one year I ate more calories than I burned during the run itself.

Twin Cities Marathon.  Come for the run.  Stay for the junk food given to you by complete strangers.

But there was no running this morning for the workout - today's workout called for a spot of strength training, but just upper body because, you know, 18 mile long run yesterday.  But I don't want to keep doing the same upper body workout from Cathe's Strong and Sweaty series (even thought I am in serious heavy like with it), so this morning I decided to switch things up and do an old favorite of mine, Cathe's Pyramid Upper Body.

I do believe this video was made in the early/mid-2000s....and the hair and set decorations show it.  In fact, one of the backup workout people has the exact same hairstyle I did when I got married in 2003 - the twisty hairdo with the itty bitty butterfly clips. 

Just goes to show how on trend that backup workout lady was.

Anyway, this workout is pretty damn solid even if the hair and set aren't. As the title implies, it's a pyramid workout, which means you do the following for each of the two exercises per each body part in the video (chest, back, shoulders, triceps, biceps):

• 12 reps at a lighter weight
• 10 reps at a heavier weight
• 8 reps at the heaviest weight
• 10 reps at the previous heavier weight that isn't as heavy as the heaviest weight
• 12 reps at the lightest weight
• Freak out when you do the math and you realize you are doing 52 reps per exercise
• Pass out when you multiply that 52 times two (104!!!) because you do two different exercises for each body part in the same pyramid scheme. (I pass out just from doing the math, not the workout.)

Let me tell you, I'm feeling that workout right now as I type this instead of being asleep as I should be.  I am especially feeling the chest work.  I recommend this workout if you're into regular upper body torture, or you just really like workout video sets that for some reason have fake vines crawling over fake stone walls.

So today's post lessons are:

1. No matter what, Cathe will cause some body part on you to be sore by the end of the day no matter what workout you do
2. I still love my wedding hairstyle but not the hubbs' cowboy hat
3. 104 reps per body part.  Just think about that for a second, will ya?
4. No matter what, race photographers always get fantastic shots of my elbow pit stains
5. I should really be in bed right now and I'm kind of tired and can't think of another lesson.

Tomorrow's workout: SPEED.  Treadmill Tuesday lurks just around the corner...

Day 1, Week 4: Reason #1 I love the TC Marathon + My long run in 3 parts

Before we get to the details of today's long run, let's talk about that Ultra Loony Challenge I mentioned yesterday.

Why do I love this race so much?  Reason #1:  Challenging course.

Here I am glad the challenge is over.

The first half of this race can fool you because it's pretty stinking flat, making you feel pretty invincible by mile 13. But after mile 18 you get into some challenging hills, and not to mention that the 3-mile stretch down Summit Avenue at the very end takes you gradually uphill.  It's an uphill you can't see, but your quads can feel with every single step by that point in the race.  There is also a nice monster hill at mile 21 that I usually greet with some pretty colorful swear words.

As much as I hate the hills, I always feel accomplished when I manage the back half of this course with grace and dignity and minimal swearing.

Anyway, enough of that.  Reason #2 will be up for your perusal tomorrow. On to the long run that was Sunday "Long Run" Funday.  Today's workout was 18 miles at 45 minutes below marathon pace.  Below you can see how that went:

Why two runs?  Well, really this run happened in three parts.

Part 1: Six miles with the large running god-approved large dog.

I got up way later than I wanted to because of the hot weather we were expecting (90 degrees), but I still managed to hook up the large dog and get out with him before it got too hot.  Here he is contemplating his running goals for the days run.

"My goal for this run is to drag mom into the ditch whenever possible."

We also took a pre-run selfie, during which the running gods saw his derp-face and found it pleasing to them.

During the run, we stopped often at the little aid station I set up by the mailbox so he could grab a drink and I could grab nutrition and water as needed.  The nut lays down every single time to drink from his water bowl, and just when I think he's too tired to run anymore, he pops up from the ground and tries to take off again regardless of what I'm doing, usually dragging me a few feet before I can get my rhythm back.

After 6 miles of resisting him pulling me into ditches and trying to chase passing cars, I put him back into the house with plenty of ice cubes in his water bowl and strict orders to sit on Dad and wake him up.

Part 2: 8 miles of hot running hotness.

I went back out and ran 8 more miles as the temperatures slowly started rising.  And rising.  And rising some more.  Where I run has very little shade (miles and miles of corn and soybeans don't lend themselves well to shading runners), so the hot was even hotter than the hot would normally have been. I was never more happy for the cold bottles of water in my little aid station, especially since I only wanted to do 3 more miles after dropping off the dog and I kept convincing myself to run one more sweaty hot mile, one mile after another.  So it was kind of like the picture below, only with hotness and not a tornado.

I decided I would stop at mile 14, which was my next scheduled stop for nutrition.  I got back into the house a hot sweaty mess.  The dogs didn't see my mess, though - they saw me as one giant salt lick.

Part 3: I will finish this run, dammit.

While the AC in the house fully tempted me to sit down and take a nap in it, I was determined to finish this run.  This determination mainly came from the fact that my brain kept reminding me that I was running a marathon this weekend, which if I didn't know was 26.2 miles long, so I needed to get this distance in.  I hopped on the treadmill and did those last 4 miles, even though once I got on the 'mill I'm sure I entered a rift in the space-time continuum whereby time slowed down because those 4 miles took FOREVER.  Before I entered the rift I had to get rid of a stowaway first, though.

After the run I was greeted by the house one-cat welcoming committee, whom I suspect really greets me so he can lay on the warm treadmill belt and laugh at my efforts to work so hard yet go nowhere at all.

And thus concludes my Sunday long run adventure for this week.

What can we learn from all the pictures and blathering above?

• The running gods approve of the large dog as a running partner
• That aid station thing was pretty smart
• Running in the heat was pretty stupid
• The treadmill is cat-approved
• Got the run done, even if it was in three parts.  Next!

Tomorrow's workout: Upper body weight lifting goodness and reason #2 why I love TC Marathon!

Day 7, Week 3: Bike ridin', weight liftin', and dog lickin'.

Summer decided to make a comeback this week up here in northern Illinois, so any workouts that take place have to either take place in the early morning dark or early enough after sunrise to avoid being fried by the sun.  That's why I farted around and waited until 9 AM to do the bike ride I promised everyone yesterday.

As you can see, I'm just as surprised as you are that this ride actually happened.  It was hot, but not the "sweat is continually dripping from my armpits and raining down on the back of my calves as I cycle" kind of hot.  I had to keep reminding myself that I am not actually training for a race now that includes cycling.  As you can see from the splits, the wind slamming me in the face helped remind me at the end of the ride as well.  I didn't really plan this ride like I do when I'm training, where I plan to cycle into the wind on the way out and with it at my back on the way home.  As I've said before, I'm an idiot.

Well, the wind slowed me down along with the fact that I have to slow down before turns a lot because the corn blocks the view of incoming traffic.  I kind of like not getting hit by cars when I ride.  It's a quirk of mine.

After returning from the ride, I ate some lunch and then got down to my weight-lifting business.  First step:  Wearing the right accessories.

FYI-This is a complete lie.

Second step: Decide what workout I want to do.  This is never an easy decision for me, since I have a lot of workouts from which to choose.

Those are my four favorite Cathe series, and they all have about 5-8 workouts each. Now, I have been doing the Strong & Sweaty Series for months now, but the Ripped with HiiT was quite tempting today.  The Low Impact Series has some good strength workouts and some killer low-impact squat-filled cardio that will make your glutes beg for mercy.  Her ICE series is a nice series to use when you want to step back from so much intensity, either in the cardio or in the heavy poundage. 

So which one did I end up choosing?  After careful consideration, I chose Total Body Giant Sets from the Strong and Sweaty Series because that's what I did last Saturday and my brain was feeling lazy about decision-making...and because I got to use my barbell again.

On to the third step: actually do the workout.  This workout was delicious as usual, and I followed it up with the Bonus Abs workout that's on all of the Strong and Sweaty DVDs.  As I've said before, that workout is not for faint of heart.  And, in my house, it leads to a fourth step: Post-ab workout dog torture. What's on the floor is theirs, after all.

On a completely unrelated note, I am running a marathon next Sunday.  Actually, I'm running a 10k, then a 5K, and then a marathon.  It's all a part of the Twin Cities Marathon weekend when you sign up to be a part of something they call the Ultra Loony Challenge.

I've done this challenge since it started a few years ago, and I'm totally getting pumped already.  I don't know why I love this race, but I do-and the rest of the week I will discuss one reason a day why I love this race and this challenge so much that I completely physically destroy myself doing three races in one weekend. 

Summary o' the learnings:

• Sometimes I actually do go bike riding when I say I will
• Selfies with the bike are hard when you're alone
• I do not know how other short-haired girls look good in headbands but I always look like a mushroom of hair sprouted off the top of my head
• There is no such thing as too many Cathe workouts
• You learned what "loony" has to do with Twin Cities if you googled it while you read this post

Tomorrow's workout: 18 miles of long run goodness before the sun comes up!

Day 6, Week 3: Enough about tempo runs, let's talk about SHOES

Because I'm an idiot, I got a total of 2.5-ish hours of sleep last night.  I stayed up reading a really good book (American War) and then made myself worry about work for a few hours as I laid in bed definitely not sleeping but instead torturing myself for my imagined work sins.  What better way to prepare for my tempo run this morning?  I'm sure that's in someone's book of training plans somewhere.

I had a shorter tempo this morning: a 2 mile warm-up followed by 3 miles at a pace the Run Less, Run faster people call "short tempo" but I call "too fast for the dog but I took him with me anyway" pace.  I needed to make sure his naughty switch didn't toggle to the "on" position accidentally any time soon.

But I also didn't want to to do the run at all, any potential dog-damage be damned.  I wanted to snag an hour's more worth of sleep and then slog my way through the rest of the day as sloth-like as possible, hurting people with eye rolls and side-eye all day long.  And then this thought came tumbling through my brain:

"But if I don't go, I'll have nothing to write about this afternoon on my stupid running blog."

That thought made me sad.  It also made me go hook myself to the dog and do the damn run.  I was supposed to run miles 3-5 at an 8:33 pace.  Here's what happened:

I am my own worst tempo running enemy.  Maybe I'll get the hang of this "running at the pace I'm supposed to be running at" thing one day.  But I was still happy that I got up and did the run.

Even though my pace was all wrong during that tempo, you know what was oh-so-right?  My shoes.

Bonus cat!

I'd like everyone to meet my little family of Brooks Launches.  Most of them are Launch 4s, with a pair of purple 3s being watched closely for potential shenanigans by the cat in the upper left.  As you can tell, I love the Brooks Launch so much I bought them twice.  Times three.  Why so much Launch love?  Because:

• They are light.  I do all of my workouts in these-speed, long runs, and tempos.  They never feel heavy on my feet at the end of a run (which is something the Glycerins always do to me)
• The amount of cushioning they have gets me. Not too much, and not too little.  I can feel the ground without feeling every pebble jammed into my sole like I feel with some of the more minimal Nike shoes.
• Colors...so many pretty colors.  I'm not one for boring shoes.  If you're going to run a marathon, you can at least have the decency to have interesting shoes on for the race photogs.
• I can run injury-free.  I've never ever gotten an injury in these shoes.  Unlike some others.
• Yeah, I'm looking at you, Saucony.  
• It's pretty obvious the cat loves them too, and if they're good enough for the cat, they're good enough for me.  

It should also be obvious that if they ever change these shoes in any major way, I'm going to have a complete meltdown.  Trust me, Brooks-no one wants that to happen.  Amirite?

Today's musings in sum:

1. Get more sleep and stop torturing myself with things work-related
2. Good books are good but not before bed.
3. Running tempos too fast is apparently my super-power
4. I need at least two more pairs of Brooks Launch shoes, especially the ones they have now with the knit upper
5. And yes, Terie, you ARE right.

Tomorrow's workout: Weights and this time I *am* going to bike ride I really really mean it this time