Tips for running in the heat. Not really.

If you're in the northern hemisphere, it's summer (if you didn't know that, SPOILER ALERT).  That means we crazy runners have to get used to running outside in what's known as "heat."  To help you through summer running, below are some of my best tips for running.  And by "tips" I mean "things I just thought of off the top of my head that are useless."

Tip #1: Get out of bed early on a Saturday morning so you can get out the door before the heat gets too bad.  I don't care what you did Friday night - get up and get out there.

Tip #2: Always be sure to run with a large dog so he can share in your suffering. (Just be sure to bring water with you and run where there's shade.)

We were ready to run...but not in the heat at 7 AM.

Tip #3: Be sure to take pre-run selfies; this will cool you off before you even start running.  Oh, and always be sure to dress appropriately for the temperature and the humidity of the run, too.  That will also keep you cooler.

Jazz hands cool you off EVEN MORE.

Tip #4: Make sure your large dog mega-derps throughout the run so he can stay cool, too.  And make sure he drinks the water you put out for him.

Tip #5: You know large dog is sufficiently cooled off when even his shadow mega-derps.

shadow derpity-derp

Tip #6: Finish the run and enjoy your air-conditioned house.  And put ice cubes in large dog's water.

And from these tips we have learned...

...large dog derps a lot

...I hate running in the heat

...I couldn't think of anything interesting to blog about

...not much.

Tomrrow's workout: A small bike-to-run brick in a tri suit without holes in it.

Tempo Runs: Yet another unhelpful FAQ.

Last night the hubbs and I were actually awake and home at the same time, so I decided to actually converse with him rather than blog. However, please rest assured that some lifting of heavy things and a bike ride happened yesterday morning:

Some call this "blurry." I call it "artsy fartsy."

Those workouts were a nice recovery from the speed work the day before, and really helped me have a nice 8-mile tempo this morning.  How nice was it?  Well, there were lots of paces that included the number "8" at the beginning even though there should only have been 9s, there was no wind, the temps were in the upper 30s, and large dog kept pulling me into ditches for absolutely no reason.

Large dog be like "WE SAW SO MANY DITCHES
IT WAS AWESOME"

Well, large dog thought that last reason made this a good tempo.  I, however, can definitely do without a tour of the local ditches unless Mother Nature calls me into one...which only happens maybe once or three times during a run.  And that, kids, is why I always bring toilet paper with me on every run.

But I digress.  I want to address the questions I always get about tempo runs, not the questions I get about my toilet paper-carrying habits.  So get comfortable, kids - it's time for another one of my unhelpful FAQs, this time about tempo runs.


So, why exactly do you tempo?  Are you just a weirdo or what?

While I am most definitely a weirdo, I am not weird in respect to doing tempo runs.  Tempo runs work wonders in terms of endurance and speed, and the end result is that they help you run a certain pace for longer distances.  Well, if you actually do them during training they help you, that is.

Have you ever not done your tempo runs during training?

Absolutely.  And my race completely and totally sucked, resulting in a lot of desperate internal please to whatever deity may out there to help me make it to the finish line.  And depending on what mile you're at during your marathon, sometimes this results in a LOT of whining and begging to deities.

So how fast do you actually run a tempo run, anyway?

If you read anything about tempos on the internets, you'll see a lot of "comfortably hard" and "lactate threshold" and "so many minutes/seconds faster than your race pace" and whatever.  To avoid all this extra thinking about how fast to run my tempos, I pick a training plan that just freaking tells me how fast to run, and then I go outside and run WAY faster than that because I'm a moron.  For example, see exhibit A below of this morning's tempo, which should have been run at a 9:20 pace:

Let's see...where's those 9:20 paces....they must be hiding.

You didn't really run that fast.  Did large dog help pull you along?

Large dog only pulls at the beginning because he runs like every running rookie ever - goes out too fast and then fades at the end.  There are sections of our running route where he doesn't pull me at all, and in the last few miles he just kind of saunters next to me like "I'm tired...you're on your own now, woman."  The jerk.

Why does large dog pull you into ditches, anyway?

Who knows.  When he gets that look on his face like in the picture above, the only sound that's probably running through his head is the sound of a spring making a large cartoon BOING...and that noise is probably so loud it distracts him and throws him off course.

Or maybe he's just a jerk.

BOING

Do you have to tempo run outside, or can these tempo runs be done on a treadmill?

They absolutely can be done on a treadmill if you have enough mental treadmill fortitude.  I usually do not treadmill a tempo because I usually end up stopping way too often to do things I would never stop to do outside, such as: blow my nose, adjust the song on my headphones, and get off and do a wellness check on all the animals in the house for absolutely no reason other than I'm taking a break disguised as an animal wellness check.  This turns the tempo run into an interval run, but I just lie to myself and call it a tempo and move on to the next workout on the training plan.


Is there anything that helps motivate you to do your tempo runs when you're training for a marathon?

Yes, there are three main motivations I have for doing my tempo runs:

1) Not dying during my marathon and bugging deities with my pleas for survival, and
2) Getting to wear cool new shoes I do not need yet have still recently purchased, such as those below worn for this morning's tempo run:

I need all the luck I can get on a tempo.

3) Not looking like the human equivalent of this:

Hyooman.  I said no more fat shaming.

Summary of post learnings in progress below:

• Tempo runs.  Just do them.  They're good for you.
• Unless the large dog attached to you is yanking you into ditches.  Then they're only OK for you.
• I recommend the Brooks Launch 5s if you're a neutral runner.  And not just because mine have faux gold dust sprinkled along the bottoms.
• Every time large dog stops pulling I start running faster because I think I'm slowing down...and then end up running a fast mile.  You'd think I would have solved this problem by now.
• BOING.

Tomorrow's workout: A bike ride...I'm going to try and make it happen outdoors.

On the 1st day of 2018 I did two things I really hate: mile repeats and eating veggies.

Welcome to 2018, everyone!

As you can see, I started off my 2018 on the treadmill because, you know, freaking below zero temperatures and wind chills outside.  Well, I really started off the day by complaining about how cold it was all morning, putting on 3 layers of clothing, and then swearing under my breath every time the dogs told me they had to go outside--which was about 3,000 times today.  And then I did a lot of online shopping for winter running gear which eventually turned into finding a marathon to run that I haven't ever run before. And then I finally got on the treadmill, in-between taking the dogs out.

So what workout did my training plan call for?  My most favorite workout ever, and by "favorite" I mean "the one I hate the most:" mile repeats.  Here's how I felt about that:

Mile repeats.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  Except me.

But I got three of those little bad boys done, and then noticed that all my animals were nowhere to be found.  Until I went upstairs, that is.

I'm glad they decided to keep my bed warm for me while I was running downstairs.

Anyway, let's talk about how the eating went today.  You'll be glad to know that a) I ate and b) I ate reasonably well.  Did my oatmeal, homemade chili leftovers, and added nuts for snacks to replace some of my snack bars.  I also managed to keep my twice-a-day vegetable promise, but for some reason I simply cannot get excited about eating them.  I can't even get used to eating them.  As soon as it's lunch or dinner time, at first it's all YAY TIME TO EAT but then it's all GAWD I HAVE TO EAT VEGGIES FIRST.  I don't know what my mental block is.  Unless it's the fact that my body has to get used to so much real food again instead of the processed "health" bars that I have been eating for the last few years...and my mental whining is just a withdrawal symptom.

Who knows.  All I know is that I always feel good after (never during) I eat a bowl of veggies instead of wracked with guilt like I did last night after eating that red velvet cake. So I guess that's my main food resolution for this year - eat food that makes me feel good and leaves me guilt-free afterwards. If that's your food resolution as well, below are some helpful tips on how to to stick to that resolution.  And by "helpful" I mean "only marginally helpful because these are mainly written for my own amusement."

• To ensure that you will eat vegetables, it is helpful if you actually purchase them and keep them in your refrigerator.  If you use Walmart grocery pickup like me, you can even get someone else to pick them out for you in the store and throw them in the back of your car.
• After placing said veggies in your refrigerator, it's best if you use them before they spoil.  
• I find that sauteeing a whole crap-ton of them in a little olive oil and garlic is a nice way to make them more palatable and not feel like you're eating raw nature.
• I am told Pinterest has a lot of ideas for adding some variety to your veggies.  This is a fantastic idea.  However, I haven't verified this yet simply because if I get on Pinterest I will do a search for "humor" and then lose a good 2 hours in there before I even get to any veggie stuff.
• If green and orange things just aren't your style, add other real foods like nuts.  Just make sure they don't come with lots of little chocolate pieces or you're kind of defeating the purpose.
• People keep suggesting kale chips to me.  While these may be guilt-free, I find that they are just as bad as Ny-Quil tastes.  

I know that eating more veggies/real food is sucking for me right now, but I'm hoping that it will develop into a habit over time and I won't notice the suck so much.  I instead hope to notice a 4:05 marathon time in April.

Learnings?  Where are they?  Oh there they are:

• One of these days I'm going to a post of all of the horrible selfies I take before I get one that's usable for this blog.  (Believe it or not there are worse ones than the ones I slap up here)
• I got through those mile repeats by telling myself the lie that the first one is the toughest one.
• The only animals that braved the downstairs while I was on the treadmill were the cats.  I now know who my real athletic supporters are.
• If this "eating veggies" thing doesn't translate into faster marathon times, I will be a tad upset.

Tomorrow's workout: An upper body weight workout of some kind.  Haven't decided which one yet...