Tips for running in the heat. Not really.

If you're in the northern hemisphere, it's summer (if you didn't know that, SPOILER ALERT).  That means we crazy runners have to get used to running outside in what's known as "heat."  To help you through summer running, below are some of my best tips for running.  And by "tips" I mean "things I just thought of off the top of my head that are useless."

Tip #1: Get out of bed early on a Saturday morning so you can get out the door before the heat gets too bad.  I don't care what you did Friday night - get up and get out there.

Tip #2: Always be sure to run with a large dog so he can share in your suffering. (Just be sure to bring water with you and run where there's shade.)

We were ready to run...but not in the heat at 7 AM.

Tip #3: Be sure to take pre-run selfies; this will cool you off before you even start running.  Oh, and always be sure to dress appropriately for the temperature and the humidity of the run, too.  That will also keep you cooler.

Jazz hands cool you off EVEN MORE.

Tip #4: Make sure your large dog mega-derps throughout the run so he can stay cool, too.  And make sure he drinks the water you put out for him.

Tip #5: You know large dog is sufficiently cooled off when even his shadow mega-derps.

shadow derpity-derp

Tip #6: Finish the run and enjoy your air-conditioned house.  And put ice cubes in large dog's water.

And from these tips we have learned...

...large dog derps a lot

...I hate running in the heat

...I couldn't think of anything interesting to blog about

...not much.

Tomrrow's workout: A small bike-to-run brick in a tri suit without holes in it.

Here are the facts. And some pics.

Fact #1: I did Cathe's Total Body Giant Sets today and I was reunited with my precious barbell.

Large dog just doesn't understand our
relationship.

Fact #2: I totally threw out a bicep shot for no reason at all other than I had nothing better to do.

Please note animals overrunning my
workout area.

Fact #3: I worked out while dinner was in the slow cooker and it was kind of torture smelling the goodness that was my pulled barbecue chicken while suffering through oh so many one-legged squats.

Pulled BBQ Chicken and Mashed Cauliflower FTW

Fact #4: Small dog is not a fan of post-workout selfies.  In case you wanted to take one with him.  Just an FYI.

No more facts - just stupid learnings:

• I missed all these Cathe workouts while training for that duathlon.  And I'm sure my barbell missed me.
• I have never eaten mashed cauliflower before...and it was good.  Probably because there was bacon in it.
• Animals in my workout area.  The struggle is real.
• Small dog can sure throw that eyeball attitude around.
• I need more barbell in my life.

Tomorrow's workout: 4 easy miles that the app is calling a "long run."  Pfffft.

My recovery run-down and what's next

So I've been recovering this week because my Runner's World app said that I had to until Saturday. Well, I call it "recovery;" the app calls it "cross-training."

Although I don't know why it didn't check off my cross-training for today.  The app must have figured out my little trick of selecting "Other" as a workout to get it to register as cross-training in the app and changed the rules on me behind my back.  The jerk.

But don't just take my jerky app's word for it that I did all sorts of cross training this week - also check out these stupid pictures:

ZOMG how did I get on my spin bike?!?

This was the last time I could lift my arm that far above my head
because BOOT CAMP

Just causally biking to nowhere.

I only have a few things to say about my cross-training this week:

• Hubbs is very tolerant of my picture-taking requests....and tolerant of the fact that he has to walk around me and my bike in front of the TV whilst getting ready in the morning.
• I haven't done that Cathe Boot Camp workout in around 2 months and my thighs are now sore to the touch.
• The animals have NO IDEA what to do after I move the bike into the living room, which generates reactions from slightly frightened indifference to "I better be ready to flee if that thing comes at me" from the cats.

Fascinated...but can't be bothered.

Ready to OMG FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE

So, after this week of pseudo-recovery and sore thighs, what's next? Well, I plan on using that Runner's World app to train for the Twin Cities Marathon in October.  Along the way, I plan on doing some duathlons because, as every marathoner knows, duathlons are a vital part of marathon training (not really).

The cool part of the Runner's World app is that you can designate which race is your goal race and then it will automagically give you little mini-tapers to all of your other races too.  Or, at least that's what the instructions say.  We'll see, won't we?  We will also see if I hit that projected finish time of 4:14, which would definitely be a PR for me on that course.  Here's some other things I'm going to do in addition to what's in the training plan:

On the weekends, do my runs early in the morning.  I tend to fart around on the weekends doing things like "cleaning" and "working" and that type of farting needs to stop.  

Hill repeats will be done - on the bike and whilst running.  That MuncieMan Half duathlon is on the same hilly course as my most recent duathlon - and the key to success is hill training.  Which is also known as "masochism."

Do all the workouts.  I did pretty well with this during my last training cycle; this is just a reminder.

Lose 10 more pounds.  Get lighter, get faster.  The most healthy reason to lose weight, right?  (no)

Remember where I've been - and remember that at 43 years old I'm doing OK health, fitness, and body size-wise.

28 vs. 43.  I think I'm doing fine.

And also remember that it's time for the dumb learnings now:

• I have high hopes for the Runner's World app.  High hopes that I also hope won't be crushed by a crappy marathon performance.
• I also have high hopes for losing those 10 pounds.
• I hope my thighs stop being sore soon and I can touch them without wincing.
• I hope everyone realizes now after looking at that wedding picture that hubbs hasn't always looked like Santa.
• "Fascinated but can't be bothered" is my new motto.

Tomorrow's workout: A workout DVD of some kind...I'm still up in the air as to which one.  The suspense is killing you, I can tell.

Olympic Duathlon Recap: I came in last and still got a trophy.

So.  I had this duathlon thing going on this past Saturday.  I figured it was about time I blogged about it.

How did it go?  Well, obviously I got a big honking plaque.  I also met all my duathlon goals, despite the fact that my legs tried not to.  I even met those goals after my husband's pants tore a few holes in my black tri suit because those pants contained a sharp screw that viciously put holes not only in my tri suit but also in my duathlon hopes and dreams.

Wood screw = DREAM CRUSHER

Seriously, people - I was on the verge of tears until I googled "triathlon gear store" and found one (Urban Tri Gear in Westmont, IL) on the way to Muncie, IN, where the duathlon was being held.  I was lucky to find a suit kind of in my size and in a color I knew no one else would have because that's how I roll with tri suits.

That smile didn't last much longer.

Anyway, enough about my gear - what about those goals?  Well, remember that I wanted to run the first run in around 9 minutes, do the bike somewhere in the 17s for an average mph, and do whatever I wanted for the 10K run at the end.  Like I said, I did meet all the goals, but this wouldn't be a race recap post if I didn't give you all of the boring, minute details about each part of the race, not would it?  So sit back, relax, and prepare to be bored:

Run #1: Who's in my race???

Now, this race is primarily for triathletes, seeing as there's a big body of water at the race site.

Oooo water

We duathletes got to start way the heck away from that water, which also happens to be way the heck away from the bathrooms.  That's where I was right before the start and then ran up to the start line, getting there with a minute to spare.  And in that minute, I realized two things: 1) I was sweating pretty heavily after a light jog to the start...and that meant it was going to be a hot one, kids, and 2) there were, like. very few duathletes in this race.  And since they have three distances of duathlons (a sprint, an Olympic, and a half), that meant I didn't have a lot of competition for a fancy schamncy award...but I didn't know who that competition was. (And it's usually considered bad form to start quizzing people about this at the start line.) Well, I didn't know before we started, but I soon would know after we hit the sprint and Olympic turn-arounds for this first run.  And when we did hit the Olympic turn around, I was the only one that broke away from the pack and headed back towards the start line.

And that's when I realized I was free. 

I could do whatever I wanted to do for the rest of this race and it would be good enough for first place.  I floated my way back over the hilly hills to the transition area, where I was taking my sweet ol' time transitioning to the bike when another runner came into transition and ran up to a bike racked near mine and said, "I can't believe I didn't turn around!  I just kept following the pack and forgot to turn around at the Olympic turn around!"

And that's when I realized I was coming in second.

The Bike: Mostly 2nd place, with 6 miles of 1st place-ness.

I spent most of the bike in 2nd place, but still crushing my goal - I ended up doing an 18.4 mph average on that very hilly course.   Even though I was out of transition right after my competition finished telling me about her forgotten turn-around (and promptly slipped and fell trying to mount my bike), she passed me in the 4th mile of the bike and stayed ahead of me for the entire first loop and most of the second loop.  I did manage to pass her and stay ahead of her as she faded on the hills for the last 6 miles...so I was in 1st place for a little over 17 minutes.  If only this were like NASCAR where you get points for leading even a little bit. 

But it's not.

Run #2: Hot heat and trashed legs.

It was in the 80+ degrees when I got off the bike, and after I watched my competition blow by me in the first mile I realized that I had pushed way too hard on the bike - my legs were kind of toast.  I started run/walking in conjunction with wishing for shade like crazy for the rest of the run, just focusing on making it to the finish and not crying at all the hilly hills.  And, obviously, I did finish (in about an hour and 6...yikes!) and then collected my finisher medal and my 2nd place huge honking trophy-thing.

This trophy and medal goes nicely with the bling I got in September.

Now my 1st place trophy won't be lonely.

The magic of magnetism, kids.

Even though the bling is what's really important (not really), this race did serve as a useful baseline for the half duathlon (10k/56mi/10K) I'll be doing in September. 

It also gives me some good peace of mind in terms of the bike--I'm starting at a nice, solid 25 mile base rather than all the way at zero.

And this race even gave me a good, kick-ass photo of myself--and it's rare that I really like a serious race photo of myself, kids.

I just want the hot heat to go away.

But it's not rare to end a post with some facetious learnings:

• Even though I wilted in the last run, I still had a really good time at this race.  The course is just challenging enough to be interesting rather than brutal.
• The tri suit that I had never trained in and wore for the first time on race day was AMAZING.  It better be for as much as it freaking cost.
• I have never pushed myself on a bike ride as hard as I did that day.  I don't normally breathe hard at all on the bike, but I sounded like a seething lesser demon frothing at the mouth on the second bike loop.
• The woman who beat me was 53 years old and kicking my ass.  I want to be her when I'm 53.
• I love the course and I love the atmosphere of this race.  But I especially love the indoor bathrooms and the showers.
• I came in last but still got a trophy.  Boom.

Tomorrow's workout: More cross-training, this time some easy biking.  I'll catch you up on all of my recovery cross-training fun this week tomorrow I swears.

Duathlon transitions: You should probably practice them more than once.

So yesterday I decided to do a small practice duathlon because that's always a good thing to do (not really) during the week of your race.

I wanted to do more than just 1.11 miles on the second run, but, again, work likes it when I show up on time so I had to cut it short (even though that didn't go as planned since a nice police officer stopped me on my way to work for going just a tad bit over the speed limit...ugh).  But the point of this little practice race wasn't to see if I could do the distances--it was to practice the transitions (T1 and T2).  You see, I am horribly slow during both transitions, and I am also horrible at practicing them to get better.  But I am glad I did get to practice them yesterday, because here are some things I learned:

• If you forget to put on your sunglasses in T1, lots of bugs (and maybe rocks) will become one with your eyeballs.  True story.  
• Untie your shoes in T1 so you don't have to fumble with laces in T2.  Especially if it's super cold on your bike ride and your fingers are pretty much useless in T2.  Like yesterday morning.
• Lay out your stuff in the order you need it.  Because then you won't have to think things like, "Wait...what was I going to do first?" or "Where the BLEEP did I put that?"

I don't need much...I just need to put it on really fast.

• If you carry your phone in the back pocket of your tri-suit and then try to run with it there on the second run it will fall to the ground causing you to freak out at the sound it makes when it hits the ground. Yep.  Leaving my phone in my race belt during the bike fer sure now during T1 and then picking it back up during T2.
• If you carry your headphones in the back pocket of your tri suit during the bike and then attempt to yank them out while running the 2nd run you will lose one of those plastic ear things on them in that pocket and then have to stop and fish it out, looking like you have suddenly developed a serious medical condition as you try to do this and continue to run at the same time.  Some lady going to her car who saw me asked me if I was OK when she saw me attempting to do my running + fishing out small plastic piece out of a pocket you can't see multitasking.  Fabulous.
• No matter what transition it is, I'm always tri-suit sexy.

Especially sexy next to the cat bed.  Mmmm.

And now even more learnings:

• The weather is supposed to be sucky on Saturday in Muncie.  Bummer.  
• How sucky?  Like 90 degrees and thunderstorms sucky.  AWESOME
• Good thing this is a practice race.
• At least my toes won't be frozen chunks of flesh at the end of the bike ride.  You gotta look on the bright side, people.

Tomorrow's workout: Easy run and then off to Muncie!

I'm writing my duathlon goals instead of working out right now.

Listen.  I know the duathlon isn't as sexy as the triathlon.  It's already a psychologically "less than" race than the triathlon because, you know, ONLY two sports instead of THREE because MORE is BETTER (and so is randomly capitalizing words).  But since what I do in the water cannot legally be called "swimming," I'm stuck with the duathlon until they change the first sport to something other than swimming.  Like rollerblading. Or discus.  Or pickleball.

Anyway, my duathlon is on Saturday (looks like rain...boo) so it's probably a little early to be setting any race goals.  But I'm going to throw caution to the wind and list them out below because that's how I roll, people.

• Goal for Run #1 (5K run): Around a 9 minute mile.  Or faster or slower, maybe.
• Goal for the Bike (26 miles): Average somewhere in the 17 mph range because I've ridden this course before and holy hills, batman.
• Goal for Run #2 (10K run): Whatever gets me to the finish line still running.

Overall goal for the race: Survival.

My ulterior motive for this race is to use it as a baseline race for the half duathlon I will be doing in September, so really this is kind of like a practice race.  (Or, at least, that's what I'm going to tell myself when I am suffering on the second loop of the bike course to self-soothe.)  In fact, I was going to do a shortened practice race this morning but that whole "have to be at work on time" thing got in the way.  So I planned to do it after work...and we all know how well that always works out for me.

Yeah.  I took selfies in real clothes instead because that burns calories too, right?

Low calorie burn selfie - it was just a warm up.

You can see the calories sizzling right off me.  What a workout.

Right.  And these are real "learnings," too:

• Survival is always a good goal for a race.  Especially your first race of any distance or type.
• Not only did I ditch my workout today because I lied to myself about doing it after work, but the whole "no wind" thing going on tomorrow morning made me persuade myself to do it tomorrow morning.
• I want my muscles to look all crazy amazing when my arms are at my sides so I don't have to walk around all day flexing my arms.
• That's my favorite type of dress - the "I paid almost $30 for what is essentially a large bag with pockets and armholes" type.  Very comfy.

Tomorrow's workout: A small practice duathlon.  I mean it this time.

Where have you been, young lady?

Where have I been lately?  Oh...just doing a few things.

Some running with large dog out in the country...and taking bad selfies with him.  Or trying to, anyway.

So much country nothingness.

He must think the camera is in the ground.

Either this run is blessed by the heavens or an alien
spaceship is about to land.

Large dog goes DERP

I also did some outdoor biking...

FYI: that's me.

At least my bike knows how to look at the
camera...unlike large dog.

...and some indoor biking because 20 mph winds and I'm a wimp.

NOW we know how female cat maintains her girlish figure.

Never bike indoors without proper supervision.

This is just so you know I actually was on the bike.  At least
for this picture.

I even attended some graduations.  None of them mine.

Look, Ma, no workout clothes!

But mostly I have been pondering why workout clothing manufacturers insist on finding ways to make you look naked...even if it's behind your back.

Not naked on the front...

Kinda naked on the back.

Less pictures, more learnings:

• I've been pretty darn busy with work this week.  I promise my stupid posts will be back up on the regular soon.
• While I wish I could have ridden my bike outside today, it was way better being able to watch TV instead of internally whining about the wind for 21 miles.
• I'm just not understanding all this nakedness.  I'm glad only the farm fields have to see mine.

Tomorrow's workout:  Easy run, kids, because it's race week!