I just realized I had better start duathlon training.

You know that feeling when you're looking ahead on your calendar and you realize you have a half duathlon (10k/56mi/10k) on June 9th and you realize it's already April?  That feeling of sheer panic when you realize you need to be able to bike 56 miles and not die in about 2 months?

Yeah.  That feeling made me get my butt on my bike and ride around outside for 15 miles in the windy cold this afternoon.

I think the cars might be jealous of my ride.

Well, it wasn't super cold outside, but there were some serious winds that made the first half of the ride really, really suck.  It also kind of sucked because it's been the first time I've done an outdoor ride since the late summer, and the first 5 miles were just my legs going "whoa....whoa...what are we doing...we're not used to this....we're just going to go slow until we get used to this again."  And slow is how we went until we were about 8 miles in, when I finally had the wind at my back and could cruise all the way home.

So...not my best bike ride ever (16.2 mph average?!?!).  But when you haven't been on the bike since August, I guess I'll take it as a starting point for improvement.  In fact, during the ride I was thinking of all of the things I need to do to improve in order to survive 56 miles on the bike (only to get off and run a 10k....argh).  Here are some of those thoughts roaming through my mind during the ride:

• To stop your toes from becoming two blocks of ice because you chose to ride into cold early spring winds for 8 miles, invest in bike shoe covers.  This will prevent you from standing in the shower after the ride blasting your toes with the hottest water you can tolerate just to feel something, ANYTHING in them again.
• Don't stupidly think you can bust out 15 miles after not riding outside for so long.
• Buy more than one long-sleeved bike jersey or it's going to be lots of really cold morning rides for you.
• Work on distance, then speed-stop trying to push big gears right out of the gate.
• Remember: unclip FIRST, and get off bike SECOND.
• Don't think about the fact that you have to be able to ride forty-one more freaking miles by June 9th.  Just get the miles in.
• Work on getting on and off the bike without looking like an old lady worried she will fall and break her hip.
• Also remember: when stopping at an intersection, unclip FIRST, then put foot on the ground.
• I told you - stop thinking about those 41 more miles.  You're just freaking yourself out for nothing.
• Learn how to grease the bike chain without getting bike grease all over your hands. 
• Your quads are big whiners.  Ignore them.
• And a final remember:

A post shared by Club Of “Runners”🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️ (@craptrunners) on Mar 29, 2018 at 5:47pm PDT

Some bike riding learnings for you today:

• While riding into the wind for the first half of the run was sheer torture, the back half was a joy.  It reminded me why I enjoy biking so much.
• This ride also reminded me that biking outside is still one heck of a workout.
• Am I still going to freak out about those 41 more miles?  Yes, until I do at least a 30 mile ride.
• Does anyone else have whiny quads, or is it just me?
• And because I have yet to post a picture of one of my animals giving his opinion of this post, I shall do it now:

POST SO BORING

Tomorrow's workout: Total body weights.  The usual Friday torture.

Day 6, Week 8: Taking the large dog running > holes in my drywall later.

The training plan this morning said "10 miles at MP (marathon pace)." And then, after reading that, I died.

Just kidding.  I'm alive, I promise.  But I always freak out at workouts like this during the week, like I completely forgot that I was training for a marathon or something.  It's because I'm a moron, as I'm sure I've stated before.

I always think that I can't do workouts like this.  I was all "GAWD I don't know if I can do ten WHOLE miles at MARATHON pace for crying out loud these training plan people are INSANE" even though I will have to run 26.2 miles at that VERY SAME PACE in December.  After noting this incongruence, I then rolled my own eyes at myself and proceeded to petulantly stomp upstairs to get dressed.  Large dog followed me just in case I might be putting on running clothes and did his best pathetic if-you-go-running-I-want-to-go-too pose.

Patheticness Factor: 1000

As I was wondering what to wear, I looked outside and saw the wind.  It was hard not to see, because the trees were bending right in front of it and it looked very cold and very hard to run 10 miles at marathon pace in.  It's at that moment that I considered my options:

1. Scrap the run and go have more coffee in the recliner because...hey! More coffee!
2. Do the run later when the wind dies down this afternoon...*checks weather app*...and it's not going to die down this afternoon. *insertbadwordshere*
3. Suck it up, buttercup, and get out there and do as many miles as you can.  And take the large dog with you because misery loves company.

Seeing that option #3 was pretty much my only option because doing the run later is always a lie for me and the small dog had already claimed the recliner as his for the rest of the morning, I got dressed for a freaking cold and windy run using my usual running fashion sense.

I got the large dog in his running gear and off we went, running the same one mile loop eight times.  We have to do the same loop because that loop is a dog-free zone (except for the large dog, of course). You see, I live in the country and everyone has dogs that run off-leash, sometimes causing me to have to decide which leg I'm going to let them have if they catch up to me while I'm being chased.  This mile through town isn't one where I have to worry about having to force the large dog to make that same decision.

To make the run more bearable, I decided on a wind-coping strategy: slow down.  If you look at the mile route up above, you'll notice that I end up running in all directions (NSEW) at some point.  Since the wind was coming from the west, I decided I would slow down when I was running into the wind, and speed up when it was at my back or coming from the side.  It worked, because check out these sexy splits:

Now, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "ZOMG your marathon pace is around a 9 minute mile???  Are you a crazy woman?"  While the crazy is obvious, my marathon pace is not, alas, a 9 minute mile.  It's a 9:20 min/mile pace.  So way to go me for running too fast.  As usual.  Only this time it was too fast in 18 mph winds, because I am a moron.  But the cat sure seemed impressed when she was watching us run.

Hyooman faster than I thought.  Will note that in plan to
kill her when her usefulness ends.

And I even know something else you're thinking.  You're thinking, "How many pictures of her damn animals does she need?"  

He asks me that same question all the time.

You're also wondering why I only ran 8 miles instead of 10.  Well, that's because I took too long farting around trying to decide if I was actually going to do the run that I got into a bit of time crunch. But the run got did, even if it was 2 miles short.  Remember, some workout is better than no workout.

And also remember that making the large dog happy and wearing him out is better than having him chew holes in the drywall later.

Post learnings comin' at ya:

• When I tell myself I can't do a run at a certain distance or pace, it's pretty much a lie.  Just like my "I'll do that run after work" lie.
• If you ever run with large dog into the wind, he stops pulling you like a sled dog and makes you, like, actually run without assistance.  The jerk.
• Running a one-mile loop 8 times by the same houses in the neighborhood sure makes the neighbors start questioning your sanity.
• The dogs tell me that drywall is an acquired taste.

Tomorrow's workout: More weight-lifting goodness.  Maybe I'll get crazy and do a different workout than I usually do on a Saturday.  Stay tuned!

Day 7, Week 7: Ten random things I've learned from working out.

I tried to go for a bike ride.  I really did.  I have bike grease all over me and the couch to prove it. 

I knew it was going to be windy today, but I didn't realize it would be almost 20 mph windy.  Because I still really wanted to go on a bike ride, I plotted out a route where I would only ride into the wind for a few miles, and then I would ride with the wind coming at my side and my back for the rest of the way.  As I turned the initial corner right into the wind, I got about a quarter of a mile down the road before my brain said, "Screw this *badword*.  I'm going home."

It was bad.  I was at a crawl, and for the brief time I was riding with the wind at my side the stronger gusts kept trying to blow me over.  It wasn't worth the hassle (since I'm not training for a duathlon currently), so I slowly pedaled home and did my usual Saturday weight workout instead: Cathe's Total Body Giant Sets. 

ZOMG MUSCLES

The dogs, as per usual, were supervising.  (But they never offer tips on form.  The jerks.)

No phoning it in on the abs.  He's watching.

Making sure I go deep enough on those side-slide lunges.  The slavedriver.

As I was doing my workout, I kept reflecting on a conversation I had recently with someone about fitness, running, and working out in general.  They asked me how long I had been working out (since 2005) and how long I had been running (since 2010).  A comment was made that I must have made a strong commitment to learning how to do all this crazy fitness stuff so I could be halfway decent at it.  While that's true, I have also learned a lot FROM doing all this crazy fitness stuff.  And by "a lot" I mean "ten random things" because that's what people usually list on blogs, isn't it?  Here are those things:

10. Overeating in the name of "carb loading" the night before a marathon just increases the chances you'll need to use a port-a-john during a race.
9. Always do your tempo runs.  Always.
8. Here's another always--always carry toilet paper in a plastic bag with you on longer runs. If you think you don't need it, carry it anyway.
7. Yes, you really DO need those cute new pair of running capris. 
6. Unless you stick those big body warming patches on each butt cheek, your butt will always be cold on a winter long run.  Get used to it.
5. There is such a thing as racing too much.  If you're training for a race with a time goal in mind, lay off on the racing and focus on your training. (I learned this the hard way.)
4. If you want to run faster, you have to run faster in your training.  Not all the time, but you'll have to do some sort of speed work like fartleks (ha! *snort*), intervals, or repeats.  Yo'ure not going to magically get a ton faster by running the same pace all of the time during training.
3. I was always all "Running in a costume is STUPID" until I actually did it and it's kind of fun.  Especially if your dogs are in the same costume.

The cutest pizza I've ever seen.

2. During any marathon training cycle, you will do one of your 20 milers in the rain/snow/iced over roads/tornado/hail. 
1. Re: #2: You will also do one of those runs without dressing properly and almost drown/freeze to death/slip and fall/get hit in the face with hail the size of golf balls/come home to a husband who is really mad at you for running in that crappy weather.
0. BONUS:  Running won't ruin your knees (unless there's already something wrong with your knees).

Seems that some fitness people learn life-long, metaphysical and existential lessons from their fitness that leads them to greater understanding about themselves and how the world works...I think it's kind of obvious I'm not one of those people and that this isn't that type of blog.


Post learnings today:

• Wind.  Bah.  Always foiling my workouts.
• What's up with the Moon Pie headband in that first pic?  That's from a Ragnar I once ran, where our team name was "Dark Side of the Moon Pie" (It started in Chatanooga...home of the Moon Pie...you get the idea.)
• This year the dogs and I are going to be tacos for our Halloween race.  It's going to be el taco loco!
• I'd write more learnings, but I have to go buy that cute pair of running capris that I really, really need.

Tomorrow's workout: 20 freaking miles in the freaking rain.  Not that I'm bitter about that at all right now.