My own personal fitness truths

Rather than participate in the consumer frenzy that is Black Friday, I instead decided to do a little spin and weights this morning, heavy on the weights. (Ha! Get it? I crack myself up!)

I'm really enjoying myself, despite that crazy face I'm making.

I love the barbell but hate shoulder work.  As you can tell.

Yesterday I managed a 9 mile Thanksgiving treadmill turkey trot of my very own, which essentially involved running a few miles at half-marathon race pace sandwiched between lots of slow-ish running.

Stop-motion videos are my new obsession.  You're just going to have to deal with it until this phase of my life is over, people.  Sorry.

Anyhoo, whilst I was treadmilling away staring at the big blue wall, I found my mind wandering to all of the things I've learned from fitnessing these past 10+ years or so...those little annoying truths that can only come with a lot of trialling and erroring and succeeding and screwing it all up.  Below are a few I'd like to share with the world:

1) When running in the winter, it's never as cold as I think it's going to be outside.  Whenever I have to do a run outside in the dead of winter, I'm the WORST at mentally whining about how cold it's going to be and how much the run will suck.  And then I force myself to get dressed and get out there, and--lo and behold--after the 2nd mile I'm actually pretty comfy.  (Exceptions to that rule: All polar vortices as well as anyone who loves in northern Canada, Siberia, or Alaska.  Or anywhere else that's super duper cold all the time.)

2) Time slows down when you run faster on the treadmill.  Everyone knows a mile on the treadmill at 7:50 takes WAY longer than a 10:00 mile.  It's the rule of treadmill relativity, and I'm pretty sure it was referenced by Einstein somewhere in his research on general relativity.  Maybe.

3) On any race taking place on a bike path, you will encounter three racers running three-wide on the path so you can't pass easily.  You know those runners.  We all do.  They have their place in our universe much like the person counting out exact change at a register, drivers who drive 5 miles under the speed-limit in front of you when you're late for work, and speed bumps when you least expect them.

4) The second cup of coffee before a race is ALWAYS a bad idea.  But I drink it anyway and then get irrationally mad at everyone in the port-a-john line at mile 3 slowing me down with their urinary needs. 

5) There will always be people that tell me that I shouldn't lift weights or I'll get those big bulky muscles.  I had this happen to me in a hotel fitness center recently, when a complete stranger decided to offer that little tidbit of wisdom to me as I was using some 15 lb dumbbells.  I suppose these people think females shouldn't have visible muscles...or something.  Good thing I don't think that.  My goal is to look like I could kick someone's sweet patootie (and other parts of them as well) if they met me in a dark alley.

6) There will always be people that insist that because I run as much as I do I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. What plays in my head when I hear this: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO What comes out of my mouth when I hear this: As someone who gained 20 pounds while training for a marathon, I can tell you that is most definitely not true.  But people still don't believe me when I say that, probably because sometimes people like to hang on to these weird little untruths despite evidence right in front of them to the contrary.

7) The treadmill resetting itself after you get off to answer the call of nature is one of the most excruciating forms of agony a runner can experience.  Especially if your running watch is always way off when you treadmill run and you don't remember what the mileage was on the treadmill before it reset itself like a total jerk.  The struggle is real, people.

8) That one nonrunning friend that can never remember that a marathon is always 26.2 miles.

Me: *runs a 10K race*
Friend: "How was your marathon this weekend?"
Me: "It was just a 10K race, not a marathon."
Friend: "But that's still a type of marathon?"
Me: "Well, it's a type of race, but it's not as long as a marathon."
Friend: "But marathons are races, and you ran a race!  So, how was your marathon?"
Me: "....fine.  It was fine."

9) The hubbs will never stop telling me that I run too loudly on the treadmill.  I have no idea what this really means, but him saying this to me does legally allow me to scream "CLOMPITY CLOMP CLOMP" at him on the rare occasions he's on the treadmill.  Because that's how good of a wife I am.

10) Whenever I sneak down to the workout room to do a treadmill run, there will always be a large dog there to judge me.  Mainly because he's there to guilt-trip me because I'm not running outside with him.

*judgementrays*

So there you have it - some of my running truths that I have cultivated over the years I've been fitnessing.  And here's some learnings from this post I cultivated in my brain for the last 5 minutes or so:

• Seriously.  Love me some barbell.  Loooove.
• I was thankful that I didn't die of boredom on that 9 mile treadmill run.
• Seriously - for the love of all that is holy and running-related, just because you run a lot doesn't mean you can overeat.
• Strong is sexy, people - having muscles is a beautiful thing.
• Having large dog judge you is not beautiful - it means he's going to destroy a random part of the house later.
• CLOMPITY CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP.

Tomorrow's workout: Technically I'm supposed to run 10 miles, but I'm going to go run a half-marathon in the rain because I accidentally signed up for a race series.  More on the blog about that later.

It's race week, kids. Here are the facts.

It's race week, kids.  Kind of.  The half duathlon (10K/56 miles/10K) I have been training for and keep misspelling as "duathlong" is almost upon me.  Thereforeheretoforthwith, here are the facts of this race week:

1) Upper body is good to go as far as holding myself up on the bike for 3+ hours.

2) It wasn't even 6 AM when the picture above was taken, kids.  The clock and my tired eyes give that away.

3) The left butt injury is still whining and cranky, even though I've done all my running on the treadmill like a good little injured runner.

4) My visor is pretty freaking awesome at not only being awesome but also shielding me from the glow of my treadmill display...which will not show when I take a selfie, which makes me grumpy.

5) I got my bike all tuned up and ready to go for the race Saturday...and biking is pretty much the only time my left butt doesn't hurt.  So I got that going for me.

6) My biking fashion sense, however, is one thing that is definitely not going for me.  Nope.

7) And still speaking of biking, my only goal for this race is to hope for a 17 mph average.  

8) As for the runs...the pace will be dictated by my old friend left butt injury, how hot it is, and what kind of competition I have for my race distance.  Because the minute I find out that I have no competition (not a lot of people enter the duathlon races at this event), I get all sorts of race lazy.

9) If it's really hot I think I may lay down on the course and cry at some point.  But not too much crying, though...gotta stay hydrated.

10) Really, I just want to survive the race since it's the first time I've ever raced a duathlon at this distance.  And not cry.  And have my left butt be OK.  More updates as the week goes on, I promise.

Tomorrow's workout: Race week speed work...because that's always a good idea, kids.

Day 3, Week 3: A quick injury and workout update.

And now for a quick injury update:  Still injured.  Yep.  Most certainly.

Left butt is not cooperating when running outside.  It was so sore after the run I blogged about on my last post that I couldn't even bike ride on Saturday and had to....*gasp*....TAKE THE DAY OFF FROM WORKING OUT.

Told you I was injured.  Plus I have one heckuva itchy eczema outbreak from all the muddy water I encountered from the mud run last Saturday, so I pretty much want to scratch all the skin off my legs and arms.  Good times, kids (not really).  I want to show you pictures of the big angry red patch of itchy goodness on the back of my left leg but the hubbs said I couldn't buy any more running shoes if I posted those here.  He's such a funkiller.

Anyway, when I have been working out, what have I been doing?  Well...

Because I'm injured and it was pretty much flooding from the heavens on Sunday, I ran 13 miles on the treadmill in the hopes that my left butt wouldn't scream too loudly (it didn't):

Always have your cat check your treadmill for safety before
running 13 miles on it.

And I ran all 13 with uneven shorts because huge nasty eczema lesion
on the back of my leg.

The next day I did a little indoor cycling because Mother Nature is just so rainy these days:

And then after that same cycling I did some lifting of heavy things and then putting them back down over and over again:

Again...uneven shorts.  Damn you, eczema.

And, of course, I did more running this morning on the 'mill in the form of a 4 mile tempo run.  Because masochism.

My internal attitude about this run oozing out.

Left butt whined a little bit more this morning, and my legs were feeling pretty heavy, which is odd for a  mile tempo at 9:18 pace.  My brain keeps whispering the word "overtraining" in the back of my mind...but I'm ignoring it for now because I have training to do, dammit.  Can't be listening to those voices in my head all day, now can I?

Tomorrow's workout: Indoor cycling...but only because my real bike is getting a tune-up.

Day 2, Week 1: Welcome to my day.

Welcome to my day, which contained:

1) A barbell-intensive upper body weight workout that included my very own spotter

Bicep curls aren't the same without him

2) Navigating the rest of the workout around animal obstacles while I try to get swole in my living room.

Laundry basket not included in the workout.  Or the cat tree.

3) Sitting in my office for the rest of the day working with way too many spreadsheets that had way too many little lines that eventually resulted in me wearing a headset in front of a Chromebook because I couldn't take it anymore.

Seriously--who *wouldn't* want my life?

Answer: I don't even want it some days. 



Tomorrow's workout: Some speed...for 10-11 miles.  MyRunPlan App WTF

Days 5 & 6, Week 8: A tempo, some weights, and holy crap how long is my bike ride tomorrow?!?

Guess who ran a tempo Thursday morning and only had her left butt muscle hurt a little bit?

OK, I won't make you guess - it was me.

woot woot

Of course, after I landed from that jump I re-injured myself.  Just kidding--I had to race inside and get ready for work because they crazily expect me there in the mornings, not just the afternoons.

Anyhoo, two things about that tempo:

1) I ran it too fast, as you can see below:

2) And I ran it with my new Nathan 20 ounce hand-held, and I'm pretty much in love with the thing.  I could give many smooches to the person who finally figured out how we could carry water with us in a bottle and not actually grip it, causing me to feel like my arm will fall off mid-run from the effort.

A tender bonding moment.  Totally running BFFs.

Today's workout was just some weights (Cathe's PHA workout), and I was surprised I actually did it because I farted around most of the day.  Evidence of aforementioned surprise is for you below and is maybe totally not faked at all (those sweat stains are extremely not faked):

ZOMG how did this dumbbell get here?!?

But the biggest surprise of all will be when I get done with this bad boy of a ride tomorrow.

Fifty point freaking one seven miles, people.  That's what's on deck for tomorrow, along with a 3 mile run afterwards.  If I can stay awake after I'm finished, I'll tell you all about it righcheer on this blog.  Stay tuned kids.

Tomorrow's workout: Weren't you paying attention?  I already told you.

Day 2, Week 8: Once-sentence workout summaries

Life once again has gotten in the way of my blogging habit.  And by "life" I mean "work and sleep and the hubbs committing me to go to events in the evening."  So, to catch everyone up and keep this blog active, here's some one-sentence summaries of my workouts since last we met.

Day 6, Week 7: Strength Training

Dumbbells, barbells, and stupid post-workout pics...oh my.

Day 7, Week 7: Forty-five (!) miles on the bike + 2 mile run.

Forty-five miles of swearing at the wind using words that made the corn threaten to wash my mouth out with soap.

Day 1, Week 8: 15 treadmill miles.

15 grueling miles so bad the only thing good about it was my freaking awesome visor that did not shield me from the sun because, you know, treadmill. 

Day 2, Week 8: Wait a minnit...where's the workout?

OK, I confess - that's a pic of my dog sleeping and NOT me working out.  I didn't get off the treadmill until 9:30 last night, and after showering, eating dinner, and giving all the animals their goodnight kisses, it was time to get into bed.  And when the alarm went off at 3:30 AM my body was all NOPE WE ARE SLEEPING IN and hit the snooze repeatedly without me even knowing until it was around 5 AM.  And we all know what that means - it was too late to fit a workout in between breakfast and coffee and sleeping for another 15 minutes in the chair in the living room.

But rest assured that tomorrow's scheduled speed session will take place..and so will the whining about it on this blog afterwards.  Stay tuned!

Tomorrow's workout: 10 freaking miles of speed work.  Have I mentioned how I think my training plan app is trying to kill me?  

Day 1, Week 7: Stupid workout thoughts.

I admit it - I haven't been consistent with this blogging thing like I promised I would.  Work has only picked up in velocity this summer and I have found myself getting home with only about 2 hours before I have to be in bed...and posting is usually not on the priority list in those two hours. 

But I hereby swear to do better, even if it's to post one random picture with an incoherent caption that my sleep-deprived brain thought was hilarious when I posted it. In fact I PINKY swear it to all of you.

Now that that's out of the way, let me show you what workouts I've been up to over the past week:

A little weights, a little running, a little cycling, and a little putting up with large dog taking breaks when I least expect it.  Or want him to.  So, in other words, the usual.

But what's not usual is the distance of the bike ride I did two days ago.  And then the run I did the next day.

40 miles on the bike at nearly 18 mph?  For me that's pretty freaking UH-MAYZING people.  However, busting it out on the bike on Saturdays is causing my long runs to be much slower on Sundays...but I've come to terms with that.  It's teaching me to run on tired legs (or at least that's what I'm telling myself).  It's also allowing me loads of time to think deeply about things, giving time for weird thoughts to come bubbling to the surface.  These bubbles are most likely helping me cope with the distance training I'm doing...or just a sign that I'm a moron.  Either way, let me lay some of these weird workout thoughts on you:

• "If I ran a race company, I would change the direction of the course if the wind was too strong so people wouldn't have to bike into the wind.  Because this sucks."
• "If I were to carry bananas with me on long runs, how can I prevent them from becoming really hot banana mush in my pocket by the 6th mile?"
• "If I run one more mile outside, that means I could go inside and only do ____ miles on the treadmill." (This thought usually repeats every mile outside until OOPS workout completed outside how'd that happen)
• "If I am doing loops and I just ran by the driveway to the house and I am 0.17 miles into the mile that means I only have to run...uh....ummm....screw it math is hard I'm just running to that stop sign and back."
• "I wonder what would happen if I threw my water bottle at the next car that only gave me 3 inches of clearance as they passed me."
• "If a runner runs between cornfields singing old U2 songs and no one is around to hear it, does she really make a sound?"
• And, last but not least..."Exactly why do I do this again?  Oh yeah - to have an excuse not to clean the house."

Instead of learnings where you learn nothing, I'm just posting all the bad pics I took from the ride and the run this weekend.  Enjoy.

Star Trek SEXY

Shadow derp.

A rare in motion derp

Almost thrown at several cars during the run.

Awesome shorts alert.

Tomorrow's workout:  Anything that doesn't involve using my legs.  Probably upper-body weights.

Day 6, Week 5: Facetious injury recovery tips you probably shouldn't use.

Today's workout du jour was some Cathe, of course.  There was a lot of heavy weight lifting, barbell toting, random animals int the workout area, and animals messing up all my post-workout selfies.

TOTES BARBELL

Did a LOT of this.

Small dog be like "why hooman doing this stupid selfie thing?"

I was not thinking about stealing this dumbbell.  OK, yes I was.

But I had to be a little careful during the workout, and not because animals would randomly come and hang out around me while I had a heavy barbell over my head.  As I mentioned yesterday, my left glute has been giving me some issues lately--issues such as being a tight ball of hurt that makes coming down on my left leg feel like I'm running on a stump.

You know.  Just some small issues. 

So, in order to make sure I'm in tip-top shape for training and for my races, I plan on taking a few days off to let my glute heal and stop being so angry.

Ha!  Just kidding!  I plan on training right through it, like any sensible runner/duathlete would do.  But I do have some facetious tips for all those injured runners out there still training away:

• Take it easy (or easier) during your workouts.  Slow down, whether your biking, running, cross-country skiing, or underwater basket weaving.  You can also consider shortening your workouts as well so you're not aggravating your injury as much.  Or at least that's what you can tell yourself.
• Practice some self-care when you're not irritating your injury further by working out.  Massage the area (unless it's a stress-fracture...then I wouldn't advise touching it at all.  Or working out, really, but hey-you know your body), get on a foam roller.  What helps me is a little trigger point ball that works best for loosening up those tight muscles deep inside the glute.  You know, the ones even the massage therapist won't work on no matter how much you tip her.
• Ignore the pain and hope it magically disappears.  Because it's probably just a weak muscle that just needs more training, right?  Work that weak muscle into shape.
• Google the cause of your pain and then ignore all the advice they give you.  Because who wants to read "rest and take it easy" when you want to see "train through it you big baby?"

Seriously, if you're really injured, don't train through it.  Just take it easy and silently curse and shake your fist at all the runners you see on your commute to and from work.

And now silently curse and shake your fist at these stupid learnings:

• The trigger point ball was worth all 6 bucks I pad for it.  So much screaming glute relief.
• I should be in bed right now because I have a 35 mile bike ride tomorrow.  Looks like I'll be taking it easy at 6 AM because I'll be took freaking tired to push too hard.
• So many animals in my workout today.  I'm surprised there were no tragic accidents involving the barbell.
• "Train through it you big baby" is one of my favorite mantras.  Not the healthiest mantra, but definitely one of my faves.

Tomorrow's workout: I already told you - 35 mile bike ride with a 3 mile run off the bike.  Fabs.

Days 1 & 2, Week 2: It's like I don't even run anymore.

I'm a little concerned with the Runner's World My Run Plan app.  Mainly my concern is about how much running it's having me do right now, which is not much.  Case in point - I was all up in the bike riding and weight work for cross-training over the past few days:


Just a little 25 miler that I did in the time I wish it took me to run that same mileage.

And just some casual upper-body strength training..no big deal.

That do-rag does AWESOME well.

The longest run I had last week was 4 miles.  Four.  Measly.  Miles.  You can tell I'm worried about running a marathon with such low mileage...and by "worried" I mean "completely freaked out and it's only week 2."

OK.  Take a breath.  It will be alright.  Even if other training plans have you running 14 miles at this point on the weekends.

Good air in....bad air out.....*gasp*

There.  I feel better.  Not really.

Anyway, here's how I'm going to get through the rest of this training cycle without feeling like I'm not really training:

1) Remember that the marathon isn't until October, for crying out loud and that there's time.
2) Convince myself that this will be a low-mileage training experiment and view this whole thing scientifically
3) Download the entire training plan from the app (which I just figured out how to do) and search frantically for longer runs than 4 miles on the "Long Run" days
4) Shake my phone every now and then when the app is running and say to no one in particular, "IS THIS THING ON?"
5) Remember that I'm also training for a half duathlon (10K/56 mi/10K) so I can freak out about that for a while to get my mind off the whole "I don't think I'm running enough" thing.

So the coping mechanisms are in place.  All that's left are some learnings:

• I have learned that bike riding in the morning when the sun comes up is pretty awesome.
• I have also learned that bike riding in the morning when the sun comes up leaves me covered in gnats.
• I've learned that recovery cat shows up most when I'm in a hurry to get ready and get out the door in the morning.
• I have also learned I better start biking and strength training on the same day to get those bike miles in.
• And lastly, I've learned that it takes more than 4 freaking miles to run a marathon people. 

Tomorrow's workout: Speed makes a comeback!  Some 300s...interesting.

It was a triple-threat of a workout day today

Today was a triple-threat kind of workout day, with some biking, some running, and some strength training.

Biking, running, and lifting OH MY

The bike ride, however, was the highlight of the morning.  Well, mainly it was a highlight because of the simple fact that I didn't die for almost 25 miles.

Not dying - WIN

Besides not dying, here are the other reasons I'd like to highlight to make the case that this ride was a highlight:

• I didn't melt.  The high for the day was 95, so that forced me out at 7 AM for the ride (and the one mile run I did right off the bike).  Even though it was in the 70s at that point, the sun was pretty intense and I was pouring sweat droplets off the front of my helmet by mile 15.  Which, if you didn't know, sometimes makes it hard to see where you're going when those droplets hit your sunglasses.
• I didn't wimp out. I was going to do the ride on my spin bike because of the heat, but a small reminder to myself that the race in a few weeks would actually be held outside made me get out and get that ride done outside.
• I managed to refill by front water reservoir without killing myself.  I have NO coordination on the bike, so the act of grabbing a water bottle, opening it, and then squeezing it into my front reservoir is akin to me performing the most complicated aerobatics maneuver you've ever seen.  
• I got to practice my transition skills.  And I found these skills quite lacking, especially since me getting off the bike is like a slow-motion replay of any other normal triathlete doing the same thing.  But at least I know ahead of time I will be making a fool of myself farting around in transition.
• I added two extra miles to the ride.  Just to see how close I could get to 26.
• I was completely owning that tri-suit.  I want to do this duathlon in a tri-suit so I only have to worry about bringing one piece of race clothing, and I put that sucker on and rode in it without an ounce of self-consciousness.  Which is not something the size 22 me would ever have done.

• I waved to all the church people going to church in my tri suit.  Because they were staring at me and I wanted to try and be nice.  And sit up on my bike and show them more of my tri suit.

No more highlights-time for learnings:

• It's sad that it takes 95-degree weather for me to not procrastinate doing my workouts.
• For once, there was no wind...it was weird being able to go any direction I wanted and not mentally whine about the wind.
• I like biking and running in the tri suit except for the part where it stuck to me like a 2nd layer of skin during the run.
• And it's that "2nd layer of skin" thing that was probably causing the church people to eye me all crazily.
• Size 22 me would have laughed at the very thought of a bike ride and lit up another cig.

Tomorrow's workout: Speed!  400s!  Lots of them!

One post, three workouts, lots of dumb pics.

What a week.  What a crazy, tiring, way-too-much-work-filled week.  This work thing is totally getting in the way of my true passion: posting dumb fitness photos and random pics of my animals.

Dumb photo of my awesome tempo-running tights

Random animal pic

Now that I got that out of my system, let's recap the three workouts I've done so I can throw more dumb photos at you, shall we?

Workout #1: An oh-so-fun tempo run.

As you probably already know, I ran it way too fast, ran it with large dog, and actually got to run it in spring running gear rather than winter.  Large dog was pretty happy about that, even though he only has one outfit...all the time.

Workout #2: Cathe's PHA workout.

This is one of my favorite workouts because it a) involves heavy weights, and b) has easily doable exercises.  I don't have any stupid fitness photos for this one, so you'll just have to settled for a random picture of one of the cats.

Hyooman.  I refuse to be a part of your stupid blog.

Workout #3: Ten mile treadmill run.

I wanted to do this last long-ish run outside in the beautiful spring weather we're supposed to be having this time of year, but someone ordered the wrong weather and we got this instead:

They even ordered it all crooked.  Send it back.

 

It was rainy and had some serious 30 mph winds going on out there, so to the treadmill I went, watching Dr. Strange as I slowly ran 10 miles to nowhere.

Only took me a minute!  Ok, maybe a few more.

I'm convinced my purple shorts gave me the power to plow through those miles.  

Large dog, however, just sat around looking super duper sad because I didn't take him for his run today.  And I'm sure he also plotted his revenge which probably will involve some of my socks or other unmentionables going missing some time in the near future.

Mom will pay for this treadmill transgression.

While large dog plots away, let's take a look at some learnings:

• I ran that tempo run more like a progression run because I'm a woman and I can do whatever I want.
• Dr. Strange starts off slowly but then finds its groove when all the magicks and explosions and crazy building transformations start happening.
• As I was writing this sentence, large dog trotted by with one of my socks.  Revenge accomplished.

Tomorrow's workout:  Upper body goodness and a bike ride because I can.