Nonlinguistic representations of my body image. Because words get boring after awhile.

So I was talking to my Southern momma the other night.  Talking with my mom (who is from and currently resides in Alabama) is an adventure in and of itself, since you must simultaneously listen to her end of the conversation as well as try to figure out the ends of her sentences, because she doesn't always complete them before jumping to her next thought.  Anyway, because she's so far away she doesn't get to come watch any of my races; so I sent her the pictures from my recent marathon, and she told me I looked so skinny.  Or, in her southern drawl, she said I looked "soOoooOooooOoo  skeeeeny."

Moms are so darn cute.  

But I don't see "skeeeny" at all when I look at my pics.  As a matter of fact, I home in right on my perceived negatives and linger there, as if by staring at them long enough I will shame those body parts into slimming down by sheer force of will.

But the crazy thing is that other people don't see negative where I see negative.  It's amazing to me how your body image gets so distorted after being 200+ pounds that you struggle forever after with what a normal body should look like.  I don't remember this being a problem as a kid; I thought I pretty much looked spectacular all the time and never ever worried about how I looked in anything.  And I should have been, since I grew up in the 1980's for Christ's sake, where people pranced around in skinny ties, sweater dresses, leg warmers, parachute pants, side-ponytails, huge shoulder pads, and all things neon.

People tell me I look skinny, but I never believe them (especially my husband, who married me at a size 22 and told me I always looked good.  I love him for this, but I can no longer trust his judgement.  Sorry, honey).  In fact, this is how I always feel:

Even when I was at my skinniest, I still felt I looked like that.  This is something that will need to be overcome during this round of weight loss, especially since if I now ask my husband if I look fat he just walks away after snorting at me in disgust.

Speaking of this round of weight loss, here was today's weigh-in:

There's my crazy veiny feet again.

Another 0.2 lbs!  Again, I'll take it!  I am feeling pretty pumped so far; but, then again, it is only day 4.  Having meals that I made cooked and waiting for me to heat up when I get home has been so helpful in stopping me from diving right into laziness and going out for some processed grub.  And, I have to admit, having the scale creep down slowly has also been a motivator.  Let's see what tomorrow brings when I have to be somewhere in the evening and am rushed for dinner....